When You Least Expect It
by Cristofle
Summary: Sometimes the worst things happen when you least expect them. Ryan and Marissa are finally happy together, but it's torn apart when Ryan gets into a serious car accident. Set sometime in the third season.
1. Chapter 1

**When You Least Expect It**

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything, Josh Schwartz owns everything, It would be cruel and pointless to sue a broke college student._

_A/N: The worst things happen when you least expect it. Ryan gets into a serious car accident, and he and everyone in his life (focus on Marissa, since this is naturally an RM story) have to deal with the fall-out. Yes, I will finish Reading Between the Lines. This chapter is a little on the racy side, so be forewarned!_

"Ryan!"

Marissa Cooper couldn't think. Every one of her senses was on total overload. Every inch of her, all she could smell, taste, touch, feel, or think was Ryan. His hands were everywhere. He was so close to her she couldn't tell where she ended and he began. She couldn't even catch her breath; he kept taking her mouth in his over and over, each kiss deeper than the one before. Just about every rational thought had flown right out of her mind as she lost herself in her boyfriend.

With the last thread of sanity she had left, she managed to pull away just enough to gulp in some air. "Ryan," she weakly protested. "Have you totally forgotten we're in your kitchen? What if someone comes in?"

"Who's going to come in?" Ryan murmured, attacking her neck with his lips next. "Sandy and Kirsten are gone for the weekend…" he slowly made his way up her neck "Seth is at Summer's for the night…" he placed a line of kisses across her jaw "So really, who is there to worry about?"

"Since when have you ever known who was going to show up at this house next?" Marissa said on a sigh, knowing she was losing the battle and not finding the energy within herself to care.

"Come on," Ryan coaxed with that rare brilliant grin she'd never been able to resist even a little. "Live a little."

"What's gotten into you?" Marissa breathlessly giggled. "I thought you wanted to have dinner."

"I do," Ryan said sincerely, his words somewhat undercut as his hand started drifting lower and lower down her leg, dangerously close to the hem of the skirt she was wearing. "Dinner…and dessert…"

Marissa sucked in her breath as she felt his warm hand on her thigh. "You know, you already got me," she murmured, closing her eyes again as he once again focused on her neck. "You don't have to try and seduce me."

"Then why are you being so uncooperative?" he teased, his voice low and husky.

_What the hell._ "That's a really good question," she breathed into his mouth before wrapping her arms around his neck and returning his kiss with force.

Ryan wasn't sure he'd ever totally get used to this, to the new freedom he had with her. Hell, there was the occasional point where he still felt like the kid from Chino who couldn't quite believe this girl liked him back. Part of him had thought they'd never reach this point. As her tongue melded with his, however, he ceased to think altogether. Pure sensation took over. Before he knew it, they'd stumbled back so he had her pressed against the wall as they kissed wildly.

"Should we take this…to the pool house?" Marissa managed to get out before he took her mouth in yet another endless kiss.

Ryan raised his brows. "Where's the fun in that?" Marissa barely had time to gasp out a breathless laugh before he grasped her hips; instinctively, she moved up so her legs were wrapped around his waist. He caught his breath. "You're not wearing any underwear, are you?"

"Where's the fun in that?" Marissa playfully taunted, wrapping her arms around him again and blending their mouths together. Ryan stumbled over to the table and with one swift move, knocked everything on it onto the floor before laying her on it. Marissa had a final coherent thought: that wasn't going to be too easy to explain. As Ryan moved on top of her, all rational thinking ceased to exist.

* * *

"Do you have to go?" Ryan complained, sounding for all the world like a sad little boy as they stood together at the doorstep.

"I really don't want to wreck the Cohens' house any further," Marissa said wryly and he flushed a little. "No really, my mom's doing that thing she does like once a month where she pretends she cares you and I are…together. Like fully together. It's easier to placate her and spend the night home every once in awhile than us dealing with the hassle." She raised her brows playfully at him. "She'll probably be sound asleep in like two hours, though."

Ryan grinned. "It's a date," he murmured, brushing his lips against hers. Marissa closed her eyes and simply leaned into him for a moment. She loved this. She loved how they were a- well, maybe not a normal couple as they'd just had sex on the kitchen table and broken half the stuff in the kitchen in the process, but a HAPPY couple. For the first time in a long time, maybe ever, things were on a truly even keel. They were on the same page and nothing in their lives was too dramatic.

"Hey." Ryan ran a hand over her hair. "Where'd you go? Are you tired? I could drive you home and pick you up for breakfast in the morning."

"No, no. I'm fine. Just wandered off for a minute," Marissa smiled. Some girls needed flowery romantic declarations all the time to know their boyfriends loved them. She didn't understand it. She hadn't always gotten things like this herself, she knew, but it was so obvious now that these little things were what mattered. He didn't tell her he loved her every second of the day. He didn't have to. In something as simple as him refusing to let her drive if she was tired, she knew. She shook her head to clear it and leaned in to give him a kiss. "So…two hours or so?"

"I'll last that long," Ryan smiled back and with one final kiss, released her so she could go to her car. Watching her leave, something inside him warmed at her simple, sweet gesture of blowing him a kiss before she drove off.

The next two hours dragged by slowly for Ryan. He cleaned up the rest of the mess in the kitchen, still not exactly sure how he was going to explain everything that was broken to Kirsten and Sandy. Luckily, he didn't appear to have broken anything that couldn't be replaced; he decided to go out and buy some of that stuff tomorrow, since he didn't particularly want to explain WHY anything might be broken. He attempted to read a book, but he was too distracted by thoughts of earlier in the evening. He and Marissa had never been quite so…free spirited before, but he definitely wasn't complaining.

He told himself it didn't matter that it was pretty much exactly two hours on the dot after she'd left that he climbed into his car. It wasn't like he was as whipped as Seth claimed he was. He knew that was bullshit, but it made him feel better to delude himself that he was right. Tapping his fingers restlessly on the steering wheel, he wondered how long he could get away with staying over. It had gotten to the point where he and Marissa spent the night together more often than not and he'd gotten used to not sleeping alone.

It would be ironic later. He'd rarely been LESS on guard in his life than he was in that moment. Wasn't that when the worst things always happened? He never even saw it coming, sitting at that stoplight. There was a split second of his world being filled with blinding headlights and screeching tires, then everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

**When You Least Expect It Chapter Two**

Marissa shifted restlessly on her bed and looked at her clock for what felt like the millionth time. Where was Ryan? They hadn't agreed on a specific time, true, but she'd said two hours and it had nearly been three. Maybe he wanted to make sure her mother was asleep or something. He was rarely late and if he was, he usually called. The only time he was somewhat slack about that was when he was pissed off at her and she figured it was fairly safe to say she was on his good side tonight.

She'd just made up her mind to call him and find out where he was when the phone rang. Smiling in relief, she reached out to pick it up. "You know, when I said two hours I meant two-"

"Marissa?"

For a second, Marissa couldn't place the voice, it sounded so harried and desperate. "Seth?" she asked uncertainly. "What's wrong?"

The truth was, on some level Marissa knew the instant she realized it was Seth's voice. He had no reason to be calling her at this hour, sounding so frantically upset. Maybe part of her had known before that in some instinctive way. An icy ball formed at the pit of her stomach and spread through her body in that way that felt like it took a long time because seconds like these seemed to go on forever. In the couple seconds it took Seth to respond, she'd gone completely numb.

"_There's been an accident."_

Later, Marissa would not remember much of the immediate following. She must have gotten so upset she'd awoken her mother, because her mother was the one to drive her to the hospital. The next clear thing she remembered was bursting through the doors of the ER. Immediately, Summer was at her side; she must have been waiting. "What happened?" she demanded, not aiming her question at any one person in particular. It was Seth who answered, standing up as Summer guided her to him in the waiting area.

"Somebody broadsided him," Seth said, sounding utterly dazed and in shock. "We…I mean, I guess he must have been in the middle of an intersection or something, I don't know. They called my dad's phone and he called me…they're on their way home." He looked around as if he magically expected them to appear out of nowhere.

"How is he? Have the doctors said anything? How bad is it? Is he awake?" Marissa knew these questions probably didn't have answers, but she couldn't help them from spilling out anyway. Almost childishly, she just wanted someone to tell her he was going to be okay. She felt like she wouldn't even be able to breathe until she heard those words.

"Marissa." Awkwardly and instinctively at the same time, Seth reached out to pull her into a hug. "I don't know much more than you do right now. He's going to be okay." He rested his head on her hair, obviously trying to convince himself as much as her. "It's Ryan, right? Of course he'll be okay."

Marissa choked back a sudden sob and leaned her head into his chest. She and Seth had kind of a strange relationship; they were in the same very close circle of friends but out of the other three, she knew Seth the least by far and she knew he was the same about her. Such a huge part of their connection was Ryan; he was such a significant part of both of their lives. It felt…natural to be by Seth's side at a time like this.

"Marissa?" Her mother came up beside her. "Honey, what's going on? What's happening?"

Before Marissa could answer, a doctor came up to their group. "Mr. Cohen?" he asked, addressing Seth.

Seth visibly swallowed hard and instinctively took hold of Marissa's hand, reaching out for Summer with the other. "How's he doing?" he asked, obviously somewhat terrified of the answer. He noticed the doctor's questioning look at everyone surrounding him. "We're all family here," he said simply, not having the time or inclination to explain anything else.

The doctor sighed deeply, the expression on his face not altogether reassuring. Marissa felt like she was going to be sick. "First of all, Ryan has not regained consciousness. He suffered a bad blow to the head and he has a severe concussion. His right leg was also badly damaged; it's broken in three places. However, his biggest problem right now is the internal damage. He has three broken ribs, one of which punctured his left lung, and he's bleeding internally. We have to perform surgery on him immediately." He stopped the sentence there but what was left unsaid was clear to Marissa. _If they don't operate, he'll die. _She only vaguely heard the rest of the conversation through a deep fog, heard Seth numbly asking if his parents needed to be there to sign anything, heard the response there wasn't time, heard this had to be done now, felt Seth's grip on her hand get tighter and tighter, felt her mother rubbing her back.

"But he'll be okay, right?" Marissa suddenly asked, some small part of her knowing she sounded like a naïve little girl but unable to help herself. "I mean…you'll do this operation and you can fix the damage and he'll be okay."

The doctor gave her a vaguely pitying look. "We'll do all we can," he said simply. "Someone will come in to keep you posted; I have to prep for the surgery, if you'll excuse me."

Marissa didn't even hear the rest of his sentence, nor did she notice him leave. _We'll do all we can._ She didn't want to hear it put like that. She didn't want to accept it like that. For a ludicrous second, she tried to block the words from her mind but she couldn't. No matter what she did, she couldn't keep the incomprehensible out of her head.

There was a very real chance Ryan might not make it through the night.

"Marissa? Marissa?" She heard her name, but she couldn't make out who was saying it and she couldn't raise her eyes to see. Jumbled words and images were spinning around in her head so fast she couldn't think, could hardly breathe. She could see Ryan as she'd left him earlier in the evening, giving her that smile that was reserved only for her as she drove off. She could hear the doctor telling her without saying it that he might not live through the surgery.

She might not ever see those eyes on her again.

The fog around her turned her world completely gray. She could still hear her named being called, but it was too far away for her to answer. The picture of Ryan's face in her mind was the last thing she could remember seeing before everything faded away.

* * *

Julie watched her daughter intently.

After Marissa had passed out- those things were never as dramatic as they seemed on TV- she had only stayed out for maybe half a minute, but when she came to, that was when Julie REALLY started worrying. She'd woken up behaving like some Stepford girlfriend, apologizing for worrying everyone, offering to get coffee, comforting Seth. It was like she was in some deep form of denial. It was times like these Julie truly felt like a craptastic mother. Sometimes she barely felt like she knew her daughter, and she didn't understand anything about her relationship with Ryan. She felt almost ashamed thinking of it at a time like this, but she'd used that boy to however it suited her needs, whether as a scapegoat or a savior for Marissa. Deep down, she knew he loved her daughter. She knew Marissa loved him. The truth was, the intensity of Marissa's bond with Ryan, the way the air would crackle whenever they looked at each other...it scared her. Ryan wasn't the only part of her daughter's life she'd been more or less shut out of, she knew, but he was by far the most important part. Every time Marissa looked at him and Julie could see he was the most important person in her life, she felt her little girl slip even further away than she already was. It was ridiculous and selfish, but that had never stopped her from acting a certain way before. Now here they were, Marissa was faced with the possibility of Ryan dying and Julie couldn't help her because she didn't understand. She hadn't tried.

She shook her head to clear it; Kirsten and Sandy had arrived five minutes ago and she might actually be able to do something to help them. Kirsten was borderline hysterical and Sandy was fighting a losing battle against falling apart. She forced her eyes off her daughter, who had put her arm around Seth as he'd struggled to explain what was happening to Ryan to his parents, and went over to Kirsten and Sandy. "Is there anything I can do?" she asked quietly, slipping an arm around Kirsten's waist.

Kirsten shook her head helplessly, tears filling her eyes and a few falling down her face. "I just…how did this even happen? It was late, wasn't it? Where was he going?"

"He was coming to see me."

The words were spoken so quietly Julie barely heard them at first. She turned back to her daughter, whose arm had slipped away from Seth. Her face was paling; Julie could tell the shell had started to crack.

"Oh, honey…" Kirsten instinctively reached out for Marissa, taking ahold of her hand. "I didn't mean it like that. I should have figured that's where he was going; you two are always in and out going to see each other at all hours. This isn't your fault."

"It's fine, don't even think about it," Marissa said quickly. "We all need to be focused on Ryan right now." She leaned forward to give Kirsten a hug, as if to reassure her worrying about her at that time was silly and unnecessary. Julie admired the strength Marissa had gained as she'd gotten older; two years ago she knew her daughter might not have even been capable of that. Still, as the only person who could see Marissa's face over Kirsten's shoulder, she KNEW she was close to snapping.

Marissa couldn't lose it now. She could feel herself sliding back into oblivion as she hugged Kirsten; she couldn't allow herself to be like that in front of Ryan's parents. Forcing herself to cling to her charade one minute longer, she lamely lied that she needed to go to the bathroom and asked if anyone needed anything, barely waiting to hear their replies before she hurried off.

Thankfully, the restroom was empty when she entered it. She leaned her forehead against the cool wall of the far corner and closed her eyes. Her charade was crumbling, she knew. She'd awoken in some bizarre form of denial, but it hadn't lasted and she could feel the walls closing in on her, crowding her mind with a kaleidoscope of images of Ryan and the incomprehensible terror that…no. No, if she kept thinking that over and over again, she'd lose her mind. Ryan was going to be fine. He had to be.

"Marissa?" She jumped at the sound of her mother's voice and turned around. Julie was standing in the doorway, looking as hesitant and unsure as Marissa had ever seen her. "Is there anything I can…I know I'm not very good at the whole comforting thing, but I could try."

Marissa sighed. "I'm fine, Mom."

"Marissa, you're hiding in a bathroom with your head against the wall," Julie said bluntly. "What are you so afraid of? The boy you love is on an operating table; no one's going to blame you if you want to cry or scream."

"WHAT is that going to do, Mom!" Marissa burst out, feeling that continuing sensation as if she couldn't breathe. "So I'm supposed to be the same selfish, stupid, whiny girl I've been throughout most of my relationship with Ryan? Make it all about me and my pain? No, I can't be like that." She pushed impatiently off the wall, took a few agitated steps forward, then whirled around to repeat the process. Julie helplessly tried to reach for her but Marissa brushed her off. "I can't be like that. Ryan is in that room and he's going to need me when he comes out; I have to keep it together."

Julie closed her eyes briefly. "'Marissa…"

"No," Marissa said shakily, taking a few stumbling steps backwards. "Don't say it. I don't want to hear it."

"Marissa, you heard the doctor," Julie said quietly, slowing coming towards her. "I know you did. You passed out, for God's sake."

Marissa shook her head almost violently, as if doing so would block the words from her mind. "I don't care, he's going to be okay."

"I really hope so honey, but…"

"Would you just shut up?" Marissa burst out, her voice nearing a shrill scream. "Stop talking like that! He's going to be okay. He has to be okay." The fragile shield that had been guarding her from breaking down shattered and tears started to slide down her face as her breath came in shaky gasps.

"Oh, baby," Julie said quietly, her heart aching. For a moment she wasn't caught up in her own worries, her own doubts, her own fears about her abilities as a mother. She just WAS Marissa's mom. Instinctively, she reached out for her. Marissa fought her at first, but Julie held on tighter and Marissa suddenly went limp in her arms. They sank down to the floor together, Julie keeping a tight grip on her daughter as she sobbed into her neck.

"I can't lose him," Marissa said shakily, the words coming out more as gasps as she cried. "I can't. I wouldn't survive that."

Julie was helpless as to what to say. She wanted to tell her it would be okay; she couldn't promise that. She wanted to believe her daughter could survive Ryan dying; she wasn't sure. So she simply sat on the floor, hugging and rocking her baby girl as she cried.

She didn't know how long they stayed like that on the floor; it could have been a minute or an hour before a timid voice interrupted them. "Coop?" Julie started and turned around to see Summer standing in the doorway, looking stricken at the sight of her best friend so clearly unhinged.

Marissa closed her eyes and tried to compose herself to some extent, wiping the back of her arm across her face and shakily standing up, her mother following to support her. "What is it, Sum?"

"They think we might get some news soon," Summer said softly. "I thought you'd want to be out there."

Marissa tensed, feeling like she was about to be sick. She almost preferred the feeling of limbo; she wasn't ready for the finality of anything. "Uh…yeah," she said, feeling anything but ready to go out there and face things. "Just…give me a minute."

"Oh Coop, sweetie," Summer said softly, coming forward and grabbing a paper towel to gently wipe at the tears on her face. "It's okay if you're crying. Nobody's going to blame you. People will be shocked if you DON'T cry."

Marissa shook her head as more tears slipped down her face and fell into Summer's hug. "I just wanted to be strong for once, you know? I didn't want to fall apart and make everyone's lives harder but I can't stop now."

"Oh baby, that's okay," Summer murmured, stroking her hair. "I wouldn't be doing half as well. No one expects you to be Wonder Woman. No one expects you to even be emotionally stable." She pulled away enough to stroke Marissa's face. "Coop…it's Ryan. If anyone can make it through this, he can."

Marissa nodded shakily, grateful for the small reassurance even if Summer was simply trying to make her feel better. "Okay, let's go." Grasping Summer's hand tightly, she made her way out of the bathroom with her best friend and her mother. Her feet felt like lead at first, but as soon as she saw the doctor standing with Sandy, Kirsten, and Seth, it was as if she was on automatic pilot. Reaching the waiting area seemed to take a hundred years and a half-second all at once; part of her didn't even feel like she was there. Had Summer not been holding her hand, had her mother not been leading her with a hand on her back, she wasn't sure she would have made it there. "What….what's going on?" she asked, her voice so soft she would have been surprised if anyone could clearly hear her.

The doctor- Dr. Cobb, someone had referred to him as- smiled faintly at her. "Ryan made it through surgery." The words hardly made an impression on her at first; when they sank in she almost collapsed against Summer in relief, who wrapped both arms around her as Sandy, Kirsten, and Seth all hugged. _He's alive. He's still alive. _Marissa chanted the words over and over in her head. "Now, he isn't out of the woods yet," the doctor was going on to caution. "He lost a lot of blood and sustained a serious head injury; he still hasn't regained consciousness."

Kirsten raised her head off Sandy's chest. "What…does that mean he's in a coma or something?" she asked, her voice trembling somewhat.

"He's in a coma-like state right now," the doctor confirmed. "However, it's common in cases like this for that not to last very long if surgery goes as well as his did. We're going to monitor him very closely; if he makes it through the next 48 hours, even better if he wakes up, it's likely he can make a full recovery. The next 48 hours are critical."

Part of Marissa barely heard what Dr. Cobb was saying; all she could focus on was that Ryan was still alive, that he'd lived through surgery. The other part felt somewhat beaten down; things didn't seem all that different than before. They still simply had to sit and wait like they had been to see if he was going to live or die. _He made it through surgery, _she forcefully reminded herself. _Summer was right; he can make it through this. He has to._

"Can we see him?" Sandy was anxiously asking the doctors. "We'd really like to see him."

"We're setting him up in ICU right now; as soon as he's settled a nurse will be down to take you to his room," the doctor assured him.

Marissa hung back somewhat awkwardly as Kirsten profusely thanked the doctor. She desperately wanted to see Ryan. She wanted to look at him with her own eyes and assure herself he was alive, she wanted to hold his hand just in case some part of him could feel her. But she wasn't a member of his immediate family and she wasn't sure if it would be appropriate or if the Cohens would want to see him alone.

"Doctor," Sandy spoke up, startling her out of her thoughts. "This girl is a part of the family as well." He indicated to Marissa. Her eyes filled with tears. "I'd like her to be able to see him whenever she wants."

Dr. Cobb simply nodded. "Feel free to talk about that with the nursing staff." He smiled at them and Kirsten thanked him one more time before he walked off. Marissa kept her eyes locked on Sandy before impulsively rushing forward to envelop him in a tight hug. "Thank you," she whispered in his ear.

Sandy hugged her back and kissed her hair. "He would want you there." He pulled away enough to hold her face in his hands. "If anyone can guilt that kid into waking up by crying at his bedside, it's gonna be you."

Marissa let out a surprised giggle through her tears and Sandy kissed her forehead. "I'll do my best," she promised.

A half hour later- which felt like an eternity to Marissa- they were given the green light to go up to ICU and see Ryan. Nothing quite prepared her for stepping into that room and seeing Ryan lying motionless in the bed. She stopped dead and swallowed hard, grasping at the wall behind her for support.

No matter what, she'd always seen Ryan as the strong one, maybe one of the strongest people she'd ever known. She knew he wasn't invincible; she knew better than most people how easily he could be hurt. She'd seen vulnerabilities to him that few others had and she'd never forgotten them. Still, he was the protector. He was the one who defended all of them from people who might hurt them. Now he was lying in a bed, so still and bruised and bandaged she could hardly recognize him.

The last time Ryan had been threatened with death, she'd been able to do something about it. It had been terrifying and traumatic, and it wasn't something she thought she'd ever get over completely. She'd never forget running into Trey's apartment to find Trey choking the life out of him; she'd never forget that sense of utter panic and desperation she'd felt when she thought she wouldn't be able to stop Trey from killing Ryan. But she had been able to. She'd picked up a gun and shot Trey, and Ryan had lived as a result. No matter how horrifying that night had been, she'd still been able to DO something. Now she had that same sense of panic and desperation- and nowhere to put it. There was no one to attack or ward off Ryan, no one to blame. There was nothing she could DO to make this okay. She simply had to stand by and wait, and pray he woke up.

She wasn't sure she'd ever felt so helpless in her life.

Gathering up her courage, she slowly made her way to the side of the bed the Cohens weren't occupying and carefully took his hand, bending down first to kiss his hand, then finding a space on his face that looked the least bruised and pressing her lips softly against his skin. "Ryan?" she whispered, although she knew it was ridiculous to expect him to wake up so soon. "Ryan, I'm here." She prayed on some level he could hear her. She prayed he could somehow feel all the people surrounding him, all the people that loved him and needed him.

For now, all they could do was wait.


	3. Chapter 3

**When You Least Expect It Chapter Three**

"Marissa? Marissa."

Marissa was jolted out of her restless sleep by a gentle voice she couldn't immediately identify. For a moment, she didn't understand where she was, then as she looked around it all came back her.

Ryan had been in an accident last night. He still hadn't woken up. There was no promise he WOULD wake up. She'd fallen asleep at his bedside. Part of her had prayed when she woke up it would be to realize this was all a horrible nightmare and Ryan's arms would be wrapped around her, but instead she awoke to see Ryan as motionless and damaged as he'd been when she fell asleep, and Sandy was kneeling next to her chair holding out a cup of coffee.

"Thanks," she mumbled, taking the coffee. "I'm sorry I fell asleep…I didn't mean to intrude or mess up visiting hours or anything."

"Marissa," Sandy sighed, running a hand over her hair. "I meant what I said last night. You're family, especially where Ryan is concerned. You're not intruding in any way. I got the staff to look the other way where you're concerned," he smiled a little. "It's selfish, really. I figure the more you're by his bed, the better chance he has of waking up."

Marissa smiled a little tearfully. "Thank you so much for all this," she said softly. "It means a lot to me that you'd say things like that." She studied his face, saw all the lines on it that hadn't been there so much as three days ago when she'd seen him before he and Kirsten had gone away. "How are you holding up?" she asked uncertainly. "I mean, I know that's a stupid question to ask…"

"No, you're sweet for asking," Sandy sighed, moving to take the chair next to her. "It's just…you spend every day fearing this will happen to your kid and then when it does, you realize you didn't expect it at all." He shook his head and ran a hand over his face. "So now there he is in that bed and now that I can do is watch him and pray he wakes up, I can't help wondering if we've done as well with him as we should have. I mean, does he feel like part of this family? Does he know how much he means to us?" His voice cracked and he lowered his head.

"Hey." Marissa reached out to take his hand. "Ryan loves you all so much. He is so incredibly grateful to you for everything you've given him."

"None of that means he knows how much we love him," Sandy said in a tired, defeated tone.

Marissa shrugged helplessly. "It's hard for me to say about that. I think he does, but it's really only been recently that he's started totally opening up to me about our relationship or family things. But I think that has a lot to do with you guys. I don't think he'd be able to open up so much if he didn't feel like he had a family."

Sandy gave her an exhausted but grateful smile. "You're a good kid," he murmured, squeezing her hand a little. "You just…there's no way to plan for this. For your kid to get slammed as he's sitting at a damn stoplight…"

Marissa frowned in confusion. "A stoplight? I thought he was in the middle of an intersection. How did he…"

Sandy blinked. "No one told you? I guess you were in the room or asleep. He was hit by a drunk driver."

* * *

_A drunk driver._

Marissa wandered the hospital halls aimlessly, hugging herself. It had taken everything inside her to stay in the room with Sandy before she could make an exit without being suspicious. She'd barely made it into the bathroom before she threw up, and it had taken her twenty minutes to compose herself at all.

Logically, she knew this wasn't her fault. She'd been at home when Ryan was hit. Hell, she hadn't even touched alcohol in over six months, and she hadn't been completely smashed in almost a year. Still…she could have done this to someone. How many times had she gotten behind the wheel drunk? It was just luck that she hadn't, nothing more. How was she even supposed to be angry at this young boy who'd hit Ryan and now she'd learned, lost his own life in the process? Was she supposed to judge him for doing what she'd been doing a year earlier?

She was so lost in her thoughts that she almost passed a lone figure sitting in the waiting area; it wasn't until she was level with the person that she realized it was Kirsten. She was sitting alone in a chair with a similar expression on her face to the one she'd seen in the mirror five minutes earlier. Sighing, she hesitantly went over to her. "Hard to be angry, isn't it?" she said quietly. Kirsten jumped and looked up at her.

"Oh, Marissa," she said awkwardly, a faint flush creeping up her neck when she realized that Marissa had read her demeanor and realized what was on her mind.

"I don't mean to pry or insult you or say anything that's not my place," Marissa said hastily, coming over to sit by her. "I just…I wanted to say you can talk to me if you want. Obviously I can't judge."

Kirsten smiled faintly, looking profoundly sad. "Marissa, you're a teenager. I'm an adult. Of the two of us, I am most definitely the one who should have known better."

Marissa shrugged sadly. "Does it matter in a case like this? That kid was younger than I am and it doesn't mean Ryan's struggling for his life any less. I was just walking around thinking the same things I can see on your face and I just wanted to let you know I'm around."

Kirsten touched her face gently. "You're sweet," she sighed. "I guess you know how it is, don't you? I want to be angry at the boy who did this, but…"

"How can we?" Marissa finished quietly. "We can't judge someone else for something we did, too."

"In a nutshell," Kirsten muttered in shame, looking down at her hands. "I'm the mom. I'm supposed to set an example. And I can't even say anything." She looked up the ceiling, a few stray tears slipping down her face. "How am I even going to face him, if he…"

"He will," Marissa said adamantly, refusing to allow herself to think otherwise. "He has to. And really, I think it'll be more on us than him."

Kirsten nodded a little tearfully. "Thanks, Marissa. It was very thoughtful of you to come to talk to me about this; I really do feel better now."

Marissa knew she was being politely dismissed; she didn't mind. She knew it had to be awkward to talk about something like that with her adopted son's girlfriend, she'd just wanted to try to say something to make Kirsten feel better or at least not as alone. "I think I'm going to go back to Ryan's room," she said, standing up. "Do you want to…come? Or you know, if you want to be alone with him I'll just get some more coffee," she hastily added.

Kirsten smiled weakly. "You go ahead. I'll be there in a bit." Marissa nodded somewhat awkwardly and patted her shoulder before walking off. She'd always gotten the faint impression that Kirsten absolutely loved Ryan, but almost didn't quite know what to do with him sometimes.

She got to Ryan's doorway and closed her eyes briefly, taking a deep breath before going back into the room, which she somewhat shamefully was grateful was empty.. It tore her apart to see him like this. She tried to tell herself that the doctor had been optimistic; it didn't matter until he opened his eyes. She even tried to tell herself that his brother had been in a coma for months and had ended up fully recovering, but the thought that Ryan would be like this for one more day, let alone months on end made her want to curl up and die.

"Hey baby," she said softly, taking his hand and leaning over to brush the slightest kiss against his lips before sitting down in the chair beside his bed. "I don't know if you can hear any of this…I remember on some stupid TV show I watched some time people could hear you on some level, but I don't know if that's true." Her voice broke on a tearful laugh. "I wonder if you know how many people love you? All last night and all this morning, I've been talking with people who love you and need you in their lives." She rested her forehead against their joined hands. "I love you so much. I can't even imagine my life without you in it in some way. We haven't always been together, but you've been THERE since I met you. I hate it when I'm not with you, but I don't know if I've ever really thought about a world that didn't have you in it-" she broke off on a choked sob. "I hate to sound like I'm a part of some lame soap opera, but you can't just leave us here, Ryan. It would leave too many holes in too many peoples' lives. I don't even know if I could ever find my way out of that hole." Squeezing her eyes shut, she pressed his hand against her cheek and tried to forget how bizarre it felt to have it simply lay there instead of his warm, strong hand stroking her face the way he usually did. "Wake up, Ryan. You have to wake up."

* * *

Everything was a thick gray fog at first.

In the very beginning, Ryan had no knowledge of anything but the gray fog. There was no feeling of being anywhere in particular, of having anyone around him, of having any time pass. He was just floating alone and quiet in the gray. Eventually, the vaguest impressions started to creep into his awareness. There was a faint concept of time passing, an idea of sounds and distant voices very far away from him, and the concept of a somewhat removed pain that he didn't want to go any closer towards.

And then all of the sudden, one voice was clear.

With the clarity of that voice, he could suddenly remember who he was, and who was talking to him. He was Ryan Atwood, and Marissa Cooper was pleading with him to come back. He still couldn't exactly place where he was or why she'd be pleading with him, but the knowledge of who he was and that the woman he loved needed him was all HE needed to stop caring about any pain and force his wall through the thick walls that were separating him from the rest of the world.

The first sensation WAS pain, intense and overwhelming and everywhere. He couldn't name an inch of him that didn't hurt somehow. Wait, that wasn't true. He could feel his right hand gently pressed against a warm, soft cheek. He'd recognize the feel of that skin anywhere; it was Marissa. With the tiny scrap of any kind of strength he had in him, he struggled to rub his thumb across her cheek. The effort cost him and he groaned.

"Ryan? Oh my God, Ryan? Can you hear me?" Marissa's voice was soft and gentle, and desperate and pleading all at once. Somewhere through the haze of pain he knew he'd never heard her so distraught and almost instinctively, he opened his eyes. Everything was hazy; his head felt like it was splitting wide open and his vision was blurry and splotchy. Still, he could make out what was unmistakably Marissa's face leaning over him.

"Oh God. Oh my God. Ryan." Marissa could hear herself babbling on some level, but the other part was too stunned and overwhelmed with relief. She hadn't realized just how big a part of her had feared he'd never look at her again until she'd seen those big blue eyes flutter open. Once the shock and elation wore off a little however, she realized his eyes were filled with pain. "Oh God, let me get a doctor," she said in distress. "I'll be right back, baby. Okay? I'll be back in two seconds." She looked at his blessedly conscious face one last time and bolted for the door, shouting for a nurse or a doctor.

"Marissa?" Seth appeared as if out of nowhere, looking alarmed and frightened. "What's happening?"

"He's awake," Marissa said, laughing and crying at once. She repeated it to the nurses who suddenly surrounded her. "He's awake!" She whirled back around and bolted back to the bed with Seth right on her heels, half afraid Ryan would have fallen back unconscious but his eyes remained open when she came back. He looked helplessly lost and pained, but he was still awake.

"Marissa?" Ryan said faintly, dazed and confused at all the people suddenly surrounding his bed. He still barely understood where he was; he kept his eyes locked on Marissa to keep from feeling like he was going to either slide back under or throw up.

"I'm here. I'm right here. I'll be here the whole time," she promised, her voice sounding blessedly soothing.

"Hey buddy," another familiar voice said sounding oddly shaky and suddenly Seth came into focus right beside Marissa. Ryan relaxed further; if they were both here he'd be okay regardless of what was going on.

"I hear Mr. Atwood has awakened," an unfamiliar voice said and Ryan frowned at the sudden intrusion as a blur passed by Marissa, obscuring his sight of her. "You've been causing quite a few people some worry, young man. Now that you're awake, I suppose you'd like some more pain medication?"

"Yes," Ryan croaked out, suddenly grateful for this man. He was too dazed to really understand anything going on around him; he had a vague sense that he was being looked over and people were talking about his vitals, but it didn't take too incredibly long for some blessed relief to sweep through his body; he closed his eyes at the sensation.

"I thought so," the voice said, sounding somehow like the person was smiling. "I'll be back to check on you again in a little while, but so far everything looks good, Mr. Atwood."

Ryan barely understood what he was talking about, didn't care. "Marissa?" he mumbled sleepily. "Seth?"

"We're right here," Marissa's soothing voice reassured him again; he could feel her take his hand.

"Ryan?" Yet another familiar voice entered the mix, sounding shaky and overwhelmingly relieved. He opened his eyes with an effort. Sandy and Kirsten.

"It's a real party in here, huh?" he joked weakly, even the effort of one sentence wearing him out.

Sandy laughed in a way that almost made it sound like he was about to cry. "Don't EVER scare us like that again," he ordered, although it sounded more like a plea. "We need you around these parts, kid."

"Do my best…" he murmured, already drifting.

"You need to rest," Marissa said gently, rubbing the hand she was holding with her free one.

"No." Suddenly firmer than he thought he could be, he did his best to grip her hand although he knew he was likely barely squeezing it. "Don't leave. Please?"

"Okay, okay," she promised, and he had the impression of her sitting down next to him. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

"Good…" That was all the energy he had left; he could feel himself fading away into sleep. With the last bit of anything he had, he uttered two final words.

"_Love you."_


	4. Chapter 4

**When You Least Expect It Chapter Four**

The next time Ryan awoke, he was much more aware of his surroundings.

He was in a hospital and from the feel of things, he'd been badly banged up. He couldn't exactly REMEMBER what happened, but he figured a car accident was the only thing that made sense.

Tense and nervous, his eyes darted around the room until he realized there was a warm, comforting pressure on his arm. _Marissa._ He looked in that direction with an effort and sure enough, his girlfriend had fallen asleep on his arm. He smiled faintly; she'd promised she wouldn't leave.

One thing he discovered quickly: he had next to no strength and it sucked. It took something out of him to move his arm enough to gently nudge her awake. She came to quickly as if startled, then looked around and seemed to remember where she was. "Hey, sleepyhead," she smiled tenderly, reaching out to stroke his cheek."

"Mmmm, should be calling you that," he smiled faintly.

Marissa studied his face as she came more fully awake. He definitely seemed more alive and alert than he had when he first woke up, and he didn't look like he was in horrible pain this time. "How are you feeling? I mean, I know that's a dumb question for the most part, but you don't look like you're hurting as much as you did the last time."

"I guess saying I feel like I got hit by a truck is inappropriate," Ryan said wryly.

Marissa shook her head, laughing a little in spite of herself. "Yes, it is. But I don't care; you can say anything you want as long as you're awake and here with me."

"I'm sorry I scared you," Ryan said softly, his heart feeling heavy when he took her in and realized how utterly worn out and distressed her appearance was.

"Oh baby, it's not your fault," Marissa protested gently, leaning in to brush a soft, careful kiss over his lips. "This is one time where I definitely get to be the worrier, not you."

Ryan smiled a little at that. "What exactly happened to me?" he questioned tiredly. "I mean, I know this must have been a car accident.,"

Even in his weakened state, he noticed her slight stiffening and filed it away for later use. "What's the last thing you remember?" she asked hesitantly.

Ryan searched his foggy memory. "Uhh…seeing you, I guess. I was watching you drive off…I guess we made plans for later?"

"We did," Marissa confirmed. "You were on your way to my house when you got into the accident. It was the other driver's fault, completely and totally. Just so you don't even go there."

Ryan nodded tiredly and was suddenly overwhelmed by the realization of how heavy he felt. Just what WAS wrong with him? "What happened to me IN the accident?" he asked suddenly. "I mean…what's wrong with me?"

Marissa sighed and took his hand between each of yours. "Well, the doctors can explain it better than me. In short, you have a nasty concussion, a broken leg- which I'm sure you've already noticed- and some broken ribs." She bit her lip. "They had to do surgery on you too, to repair some damage inside- but it went really, really well," she added hastily before Ryan could get too freaked out. "Your doctor, Dr. Cobb, said as long as you woke up soon you'd probably be fine and you did."

Ryan's brow creased. "How long was I out?" he asked, realizing he had no clue.

Marissa shrugged in an obviously forced manner. "Just a night," she said, the tone of her voice making it clear no matter how much she tried to put on a brave face for his sake there was nothing _just_ about it. He knew how he'd have felt had she been unconscious for a night with no promise she'd wake up anytime soon or ever- he would have lost his mind. He tightened his hold on her hand, but before he could say anything else Seth wandered into the room with two cups of coffee. His tired face immediately brightened when he saw Ryan was awake.

"Hey man," he said happily, handing Marissa a cup of coffee before sitting down next to her. "How are you feeling? Relatively speaking, anyway."

Ryan smiled a little. "Relatively speaking, I'm okay. Where are Sandy and Kirsten?"

"Handling paperwork and other boring things," Seth shrugged. "They'll be back in a minute. But we're more interesting anyway, aren't we Coop?"

Marissa frowned at him. "How many times have I told you only Summer calls me Coop?"

"I'm hurt," Seth protested. "I thought we'd bonded more by now."

Ryan grinned a little, enjoying the simple noise of the two people closest to him playfully bickering back and forth. He knew they were likely doing it to make him feel more normal and at home, and it was working.

"Oh by the way, Summer was here most of last night and she stopped by again earlier while you were asleep," Seth informed Ryan, bringing him back to the conversation. "She's beginning to think you're avoiding her." Ryan laughed in spite of himself. "Anyway, she'll be back again a little later."

"Oh, my mom is actually wandering around somewhere," Marissa remembered, twisting around in her seat as if Julie would magically appear. "I guess she'll come in if and when she doesn't feel too weird about it."

Ryan raised his brows. "Your mom? I'm touched…I think."

"You matter more to people than you think," Marissa said, gently but somewhat more seriously than she'd been a minute earlier. As if on cue, Sandy and Kirsten came in. Kirsten's face lit up when she realized Ryan was awake and more with it than he'd been earlier.

"Ryan," she breathed, rushing over to his bedside and bending down to gently kiss his forehead. "You have no idea how happy I am to see those eyes," she laughed a little tearfully.

"Good to see you, kid," Sandy said a little huskily, bending down himself to cradle Ryan's head a little. "You're looking a little more awake this time."

"I think I've rejoined the land of the living for good," Ryan smiled faintly, although he could already feel himself wearing out again.

"I see Mr. Atwood has decided to join us again." The familiar voice of the doctor Ryan remembered from when he first woke up turned out to be attached to a confident man who looked like he was in his mid forties, Ryan realized as the man strode into the room. "Hi Ryan, I'm Dr. Cobb."

"Hi," Ryan said, frowning slightly as he realized for the first time he was nervous about what the doctor was going to say to him.

"I assume you've figured out at least some of what happened to you in the accident," Dr. Cobb surmised.

"Marissa explained it to me as best she could," Ryan replied. Marissa had stepped back to give Sandy and Kirsten some room; her heart responded with a pang when she realized he was groping around for her hand and she instinctively moved forward to take his, giving him a reassuring smile and rubbing his arm lightly. He was scared. It wasn't a look she saw on his face very often, but he was scared now and too weak to try to hide it.

Dr. Cobb nodded. "I take it I'm not going to have any more luck at getting any of these four out than I've had before?" he asked wryly.

"I'd rather they stay," Ryan said firmly.

"I figured as much," the doctor smiled a little. "Alright, to sum it up, you have a lot of various cuts and bruises. Aside from the surgery, which we'll get into, you have stitches in two places; three over your left brow and ten on your right arm. The three main things that are going to give you trouble right now are your concussion, the broken ribs, and the broken leg. As for the surgery, I assume Ms. Cooper told you it went very well?" Ryan nodded. "You shouldn't have any complications recovering from that; it'll take a bit but you should recover nicely on that end. You had a punctured lung and some internal bleeding, but we were very successful in patching that up. Same goes for the ribs. You'll have to be very careful for awhile; broken ribs are a nasty thing to heal and you have three. Still, as long as you're careful there's no reason those won't heal nicely as well. Now, you have a hell of a concussion. There don't seem to be any extremely severe or overt side effects to that thus far which is a good sign, but I'm going to need to examine you and monitor you closely to make sure it stays that way. Your leg is going to be the trickiest thing," he warned Ryan. "It's broken in three places and there was some damage to the knee which often presents a lot of problems. I can't rule out the possibility of another surgery on that, and the leg is going to take awhile to heal regardless, likely with some physical therapy." He must have noticed Ryan's eyes widening and he hastened to add "Don't get me wrong, most likely your leg will fully recover as well, but it's going to take some time and you're going to have to be patient. You're not going to jump right out of bed from this."

"Great," Ryan muttered sarcastically, grateful for the small comfort of Marissa rhythmically rubbing his palm with her thumb. "Any idea on how long I'm going to be here?" he asked wearily. "I want to go home as soon as I can."

"No way of knowing for sure; we're going to have to monitor you for awhile, especially with that head injury," Dr. Cobb admitted. "And healing from surgery DOES take time, of course. A couple to a few weeks, maybe."

"Is there any chance we could get that cut down at all if we hired some in house full time care or something?" Kirsten spoke up, obviously noticing how freaked out that made Ryan as well as the rest of the kids. "We'd really like to have him home with us and money isn't a problem at all."

"We'll see; I'll check up on that," Dr. Cobb promised. "Now, I hate to clear this room but I really do have to examine Ryan more thoroughly. You all can come back soon, I promise."

"Be back in a minute," Marissa promised, leaning down to kiss him.

"Hey." He caught her hand gently. "Why don't you go home and take a shower, get some rest? You're wearing the same thing you were last time I saw you," he pointed out.

She arched her eyebrows playfully. "Trying to get rid of me, Atwood?"

"You could smell, you never know," Ryan shot back teasingly.

"Ooooh, you really know how to charm a girl," Marissa said sarcastically, even as she smiled. "Seriously, you're going to have to not baby me for the time being. It's your turn. But…" she added as he opened his mouth to protest "If it'll make you feel better, I will go home, take a quick shower, and nap for one hour. Then I'm coming back. Deal?"

"Deal," Ryan agreed, not sure if one hour of sleep was really going to do anything but he'd take what he could get and the truth was, he didn't really even want her gone for one hour but she looked utterly exhausted. It was bad enough that he had to constantly be stuck here; he was out on pain meds half the time.

"Alright, I'll see you in a little while," she murmured, kissing him softly one last time and running her hand across his cheek before slipping away. She turned around and blew him a kiss before she left.

It struck him that was the last thing he could remember before the accident.

* * *

_Two hours later_

"Hey, man. You're still awake," Seth said in surprise as he popped his head in Ryan's room.

Ryan smiled wearily and shrugged a little, motioning for him to come in. "I think I was out for like an hour; hard to say when I'll fall asleep and wake up, I guess. You know, you can go home, too."

Seth waved his hand dismissively. "There could be some hot, nubile young nurses around. Someone has to be here…to keep you in line, of course. You're taken."

Ryan rolled his eyes, chuckling. His smile faded as a question occurred to him that no one else seemed comfortable answering. "Seth…what about the other driver?"

Seth became distinctly uncomfortable, looking down to study his hands. "He died, Ryan," he answered quietly at length.

Ryan winced. He'd been afraid of that. "How old?"

"Sixteen," Seth said softly. "It was his fault, Ryan," he insisted at the stricken look on Ryan's face. "Trust me, it was his fault."

"How do you know that?" Ryan muttered. "I was sitting here bitching to myself about being here for a few weeks; that kid isn't even ALIVE anymore. So it was technically his fault, but technicalities don't mean a hell of a lot at the end of the day. Maybe I could have done something to avoid it, maybe I wasn't paying enough attention-"

"He was drunk, Ryan." The words shocked Ryan into silence. Seth watched him warily and chose his words carefully. "You were at a stoplight; he came out of nowhere. He wasn't even on the right side of the road and he must have lost complete control of the wheel; you probably didn't even see him coming."

Drunk. Ryan really should have figured, when he thought about it. When hadn't it been a drunk person or a person on some kind of drugs that totally fucked up his life? Part of him was furious at this nameless kid; the other part simply felt profoundly saddened that someone so young died over something so stupid.

"You okay?" Seth asked hesitantly.

"Fine," Ryan said shortly. Seth looked like he wanted to say more, but he was cut off by the sudden sound of distinctive female laughing, followed shortly by Summer and Marissa coming in the room.

"Hey, you're awake!" Marissa said happily, looking more refreshed than she had the last time he saw her. Her smile faded when she noticed the expression on her face. "Is everything okay?" she asked uncertainly.

"Everything's fine," Ryan smiled slightly, reaching out a hand for her. He'd had a flash of resentment when he first heard the driver was drunk at everyone who'd had a drinking problem in his life, but it had faded when she'd walked in, all the love she felt for him open on her lovely face. She hadn't done anything in this situation- or really, for nearly a year- to deserve being resented and selfishly, he needed her at his side more than he wanted to hold onto his aggravation. Her smile returned and she joined him at his bed side, taking his hand and kissing it as she sat down.

"So, you're finally awake when I'm here," Summer teased lightly, although her voice was somewhat huskier than usual.

"It was an accident," Ryan shot back, smiling a little. "It's good to see you, Summer."

She awkwardly leaned over to brush a kiss against his cheek before folding herself back into Seth. "Good to have you back, Chino." Ryan silently smiled his sincere appreciation at her concern; he and Summer weren't very close compared to his connections with Marissa and Seth, but it was nice to acknowledge they cared about each other sometimes.

"Well, as nice as it is to have the Fantastic Four:; The Hospital Version, why don't we let these two crazy kids alone for the time being?" Seth suggested to Summer.

"You don't have to go," Marissa protested.

"No, you can leave," Ryan teased Seth, smiling to silently show him he was really okay.

Seth rolled his eyes. "Fine then. Be that way," he huffed, but he was grinning. "See you in a little while, man."

"Call me later, Coop," Summer added as Seth led her out the door.

"Alone at last," Marissa said lightly, studying his face. "Are you sure you're okay? As okay as you can be?"

"I'm fine," he reassured her, smiling slightly. "You're here, aren't you?"

Marissa flushed a little in a way that obviously indicated pleasure. "When did you get so romantic, Mr. Atwood?"

"Hey!" Ryan defended himself. "Who set up that tiki hut on the beach?"

"That's true, that was very romantic," Marissa placated him, smiling a little and leaning down to kiss him.

Ryan could already feel himself drifting back into unconsciousness; he'd been warned concussions made people continually sleepy. "Hey, come here," he murmured, patting the left side of the bed.

"Ryan, are you crazy?" Marissa protested incredulously. "You just got through major surgery and you have broken ribs and a broken leg. I'd like not to kill you here."

"Oh, come on," Ryan cajoled. "We're not on the side where my leg's broken and if we're careful we can avoid the ribs. Please?"

Marissa sighed. He didn't break out the puppy dog look to plead with her for things very often and she was utterly helpless to it as a result. "If this hurts even a little, we're not doing it again," she warned him, then crawled ever so carefully on the bed.

"Mmmm," Ryan murmured, closing his eyes at the pleasure her warm, soft body against him brought. "See? No pain. I feel better already."

"Sure you do," Marissa laughed slightly.

"I do!" Ryan insisted. "I…" he broke off and flushed a little himself. "I don't like sleeping alone anymore," he admitted.

Marissa craned her head up to look at him. "Want to know a secret? Neither do I."

Ryan smiled and kissed her forehead, then closed his eyes as he felt himself fading off. Marissa stayed awake watching him for a long time. For the first time since the accident, she thought things might really be okay. It would take a long time and it would be hard, but Ryan was alive and awake and he was going to be okay. That knowledge was enough to relax her to the point where she could drift off herself, secure next to the man she loved.


	5. Chapter 5

**When You Least Expect It Chapter Five**

_A few days later_

Marissa peeked her head in Ryan's hospital room late one afternoon. "You're awake," she said happily, pleased to find her boyfriend conscious and even sitting up a little more than the last time she saw him. Most of the nursing staff was pretty lax about letting her come and go as she pleased- she figured both Sandy and her mother, or more specifically her mother's "comments" about donations, had something to do with that- so she'd spent just about every spare moment she wasn't at school in the hospital. She was there for breakfast if she hadn't stayed the night, usually came on her lunch break, and generally came straight there from school in the afternoon. Ryan was asleep a lot of the time, but she didn't care. It was good for him to sleep; he needed to heal. As long as she could look at him and assure herself he was alive and as okay as he could be, she felt better.

"Hey," Ryan smiled faintly. The truth was, while the concussion and the pain meds made it easy for him to fall asleep, sometimes the pain of his injuries woke him back up. He'd been almost completely doped up the first couple days or so, but his head and his leg were killing him in particular right now. Still, he was too frustrated at feeling completely helpless and semi conscious most of the time; he'd wanted to sit up a little in an effort to feel like he was somewhat still part of the land of the living.

Marissa frowned a little as she came over to the bed; she could see the discomfort Ryan was trying- and failing- to hide in his blue eyes. "How're you feeling?" she asked, leaning down to brush her lips over his forehead.

"As well as can be expected," Ryan shrugged the question off. "How was school?"

Marissa eyed him and sighed inwardly. She'd known it wouldn't be easy for him to allow himself to be vulnerable and taken care of, but even when he was semi conscious it was like pulling teeth. She'd just have to be patient and keep working on it, she decided. "Boring as usual. School days suck when you're not there to make them more interesting," she teased playfully.

Ryan rolled his eyes but couldn't keep a small grin from emerging. "You went to school without me the first sixteen years of your life. I think you'll be okay for a few weeks," he said wryly, but couldn't deny the small thrill of pleasure at something so simple as the thought of her missing him in the middle of the day.

"That's what you think," Marissa shot back. "'But I have gathered all your assignments in the three classes we have together." She pulled a bunch of papers out of her bag.

"Hey!" Ryan protested weakly. "The only upside to this is I don't have to think about homework while I'm in the hospital with an injury."

Marissa laughed. "They're all done. I typed up what I could and put the answers to the stuff you'll need to write down on different pages; you can fill them in when you feel like it. This way when you really feel up to getting to your homework, you won't be so overwhelmed. Seth did your calculus homework, too. Just a little something that can be taken off your mind."

Ryan stared at the papers in her hand for a moment, a little overwhelmed. "You did all this for me?" he said, surprised and touched.

"No, I did it for the guy in the next room over," Marissa teased. "Of course I did it for you."

Ryan felt a full fledged grin coming across his face; the simple sweetness of the gesture almost made him forget about the pain in his head. "C'mere," he murmured, motioning her closer. Smiling widely, she leaned forward to kiss him full on the mouth. "Best- girlfriend- ever," he mumbled, punctuating each word with a kiss.

Marissa giggled. "I think I can safely say that's not a title I've ever had before now, so I'm glad."

"Mmm, you've gotten the award a couple times before," Ryan smiled lightly, trying to focus on her instead of the pounding in his head. Apparently, he couldn't fool Marissa.

"Headache?" she said gently, lifting her hand to ever so lightly run her fingers through his hair and over his forehead.

"Nothing I'm not used to right now," he sighed, closing his eyes and leaning into her touch. "That feels good."

"Do you want me to get a nurse?" she asked in concern.

"I'll be fine," Ryan dismissed. "Come here."

Hiding another exasperated sigh at his tough guy act, Marissa obeyed and crawled carefully into the bed next to him. "Have they talked to you at all about coming home?" she asked, taking his hand and entwining their fingers.

"Kinda vaguely; I think they just don't want to get my hopes up," he said tiredly. "I hope it's soon; I'm so sick of this place already."

"Getting better is the most important thing," Marissa reminded him gently. "But as long as it's safe, I want you back home too." She smiled playfully. "The pool house bed is much more spacious."

"That would be nice," Ryan smiled absently. The truth was, he WAS sick of the hospital and he DID want to go home, but it made him a little nervous as well. When he was home, he was going to have to face how far he had before he could be out of the woods and not needing to depend on everyone else. He guessed he'd just have to deal with that when he came.

* * *

Marissa awoke suddenly to a strange noise. It took her a minute to be aware of her surroundings; she'd fallen asleep with Ryan again and now it was the middle of the night. Rubbing her eyes, she sat up carefully and looked around. With a start, she realized Ryan was tossing and mumbling incoherently in his sleep. She couldn't understand what he was saying, but from the distressed expression on his face and the sweat beading his forehead, he seemed to be having a nightmare.

"Ryan?" she said gently, scared he was going to hurt himself if he tossed around too much. "Ryan, you need to wake up." She placed a hand on his shoulder and recoiled in surprise when he jerked and knocked it off. "Ryan!" she said a little more forcefully, close to going to get a nurse.

Ryan felt himself being suddenly, violently dragged into awareness from the nightmare he'd been having. Nothing that went on in the dream was clear; it was all bright flashing lights and loud screeching noises, oblivion, and then agonizing pain. The pain was the only thing he woke up with. The blinding pain in his head and chest in particular was overwhelming; he vaguely heard himself groan out loud. "God," he muttered, twisting in a dazed, confused attempt to get away from it all and sucking in his breath as an intense wave of nausea swept over him.

"Ryan?" he vaguely heard the voice in the background over the pounding in his head and distantly attributed it to Marissa.

"Feel sick," he gasped out.

_Oh shit. _Marissa blindly looked around for anything to help and saw a pan laying out on one of the side tables. Grabbing it, she tried to gently ease Ryan into enough of a seating position so he wouldn't choke if he got sick and put the pan under his head just in time for him to throw up. She winced sympathetically as he heaved, helplessly stroking his neck and rubbing his back with her free hand in a vain attempt to soothe him. When at last he seemed to be done, he leaned back against the pillows breathing heavily, wincing and holding his ribs.

"Baby, I'm going to get a doctor to help; I'll be right back, okay?" she said softly. He nodded slightly and she crawled off the bed, placing the pan back on the table and quickly going to find a nurse. Ten minutes later, Ryan had gotten more pain meds and appeared to somewhat more stable and comfortable.

"Did he hurt himself too badly?" Marissa asked Dr. Cobb anxiously in a low voice in the doorway, careful not to speak loud enough for Ryan to hear just in case.

The doctor shook his head. "No, he didn't do any real damage; he didn't set himself back or anything. Just had a hell of a lousy night; he won't feel much differently tomorrow morning than he did this morning."

Marissa sighed in relief; that was something. "Thank you," she said gratefully, smiling at the doctor before returning to the bed. Ryan was already looking distinctively zoned out the way he always did when the meds hit his system, but his eyes were still open and they focused on her, but only briefly before looking away.

"You can leave if you want," he muttered. "I'll probably be asleep for a long time within like fifteen minutes; I won't be much company."

For a second Marissa felt hurt; it was like he was dismissing her. Then she caught a flash of something in his eyes and realized it was shame. "I don't want to," Marissa said quietly, her heart aching for him. He wouldn't think twice about doing these things for her, she knew. But it was hard for him to accept this kind of help.

"I'm sorry," Ryan mumbled, feeling incredibly embarrassed even through the distant pain and more apparent fog of medication. "I shouldn't ask you to stay here if I'm just going to get sick practically on top of you."

"Hey." She touched his face lightly, forcing him to look into her eyes. "There is NOTHING to be sorry about. You can't help this. And you'd do it for me."

Ryan sighed; he couldn't argue that but it didn't make him feel any better about being so helpless. "I need to sleep," he said simply, effectively cutting off the conversation. He was caught between annoyance and relief when she simply took a seat next to him, but couldn't bring himself to make her feel bad so he let the relief win out and gave her a grateful smile before closing his eyes. The feel of her picking up his hand and kissing it was the last thing he remembered before drifting off.

Marissa simply sat and watched him for a long time, her heart growing increasingly heavy. She was grateful every second he survived that car accident, but sometimes she felt she let that profound relief overcome the knowledge that he still had a long way to go. She wasn't worried about that on her end or anything; she barely wanted him out of her sight at any rate. But they were just getting started and if his reaction tonight was any indication, she worried about how much he'd let her help him.


	6. Chapter 6

**When You Least Expect It Chapter Six**

After the night Ryan had the nightmare and got sick in bed, he abruptly stopped pushing to go home. Sandy and Kirsten were taken aback at first; Marissa had quietly sat Sandy down and explained what happened and how she thought Ryan might be worried about being a burden to go home. However, even Ryan's seeming reluctance couldn't stop time from healing the most severe of his injuries and soon enough, the effects of the surgery had faded enough for Ryan to be allowed to go home without needing regular care.

"Hey!" Marissa cheerily popped into his room early one Saturday morning the afternoon of his release. "You ready to bust out of here?"

Ryan looked up from his position on the side of the bed and smiled, genuinely if somewhat distantly. It had been like this for awhile now; he seemed caught between wanting her there and aggravated that she had to see him be more or less helpless. It stung her a little to feel the wall between them, but she brushed it off. He had to deal with this in the best way he could; all she could dowas keep trying. "Hey," he responded. "I was just about to change into my regular clothes, finally."

"Oooh," Marissa said playfully, coming more fully into the room and closing the door behind her. "Sounds like I came just in time."

"Hey, I like the sound of that," Ryan grinned, holding out a hand for her and bringing her into the circle of his arms. "Feels good to hold you like this again," he murmured, rubbing his hands up and down her arms. "With me at least sitting up straight and all."

_Feels good to be held like you want to hold me, _Marissa wanted to say, but she didn't want to make him feel guiltier than he already did. "What's this about clothes?" she said teasingly, noticing the neat pile of clothes next to him on the bed. "Awww, the wife beater," she laughed affectionately, picking it up. "I bet you missed this."

"Not as much as I missed it on you," Ryan tossed back, smiling suggestively. "But seriously, I can get this."

"Oh, come on," Marissa laughed. "Where's the fun…" he voice trailed off and her smile faded as she remembered that had been the catch phrase the night everything had been torn apart. "Come on," she said quietly. "I'll help you get this on."

"I can put on some clothes-" Ryan started.

"Can you just let me help you with this?" Marissa burst out in frustration.

Ryan almost jumped, then felt a pang of guilt. He'd been so focused on not wanting anyone to wait on him or pity him, he hadn't realized he might be hurting her feelings in the process. "At least I'm wearing underwear," he teased softly, hoping to lighten the mood a little and pleased when he got a small smile out of her.

"Not like I haven't seen you without it," she shot back, reaching to untie the medical gown and pull it gently over his head. He gingerly lifted his arms, wincing a little at his still sore ribs.

Marissa sucked in her breath at the healing but still visible mass of bruises and scars that marred his chest. She had come so incredibly close to losing him, it hit her in that moment. She was so lucky he was alive at all. She couldn't meet his eyes as she carefully helped him put the wifebeater on and smoothed it gently over his chest.

"Marissa," Ryan said simply, reaching out to cup her chin in his head. "It's okay."

Marissa looked up at him as tears filled her eyes, then slowly leaned in so her head was resting gently against his chest. He sighed and placed his hands over her hair and they simply stood together like that for a long moment.

"This is so stupid," she mumbled. "We're getting into petty little bitch fights about your tank tops and I feel like we should be grateful for every second."

"I know I should," Ryan said ruefully. "And I know I haven't been the easiest person to deal with…"

"No, I didn't mean it like that," she sighed, lifting her hand and taking one of his hands between both of hers. "I can't even begin to understand how hard this is for you; no one can blame you for being frustrated. I just…on my end, all I want to do is enjoy every minute, whether you're happy or upset or pissed off just because you're HERE."

No one had ever said anything like that to him before. No one had made it clear in so many words that he was worth all that. A little overwhelmed, Ryan kissed her forehead, then her lips. "I love you," he murmured against her mouth. "I don't…I don't say it often enough, but I don't want it to get lost at any point throughout all of this. I really, really love you."

"I love you, too," Marissa said, in a voice so soft it was barely above a whisper. She returned his soft, sweet kiss and then pulled away enough to grab his shorts. "Now comes the fun part," she said, a hint of mischief entering her voice. Ryan laughed and that set the mood for the half-humorous, half-sexual dressing. Ryan groaned as she, after carefully pulling the shorts on and easing him to a standing position holding onto her for support so she could finish the job, playfully lifted up his beater and kissed his lower abdomen, right above the line of his boxers.

"You're not playing fair," he weakly protested. "You gotta give me at least a little recovery time before teasing me like that."

"Oh, don't worry," Marissa grinned, standing up straight and helping him back onto the bed. "I'm sure we'll figure something out to…ease your frustration."

"Mmmm, looking forward to it," Ryan said huskily, placing his hands on her waist as she bent her head to capture his mouth in hers. It was probably the first full, real kiss they'd had in weeks and Ryan sought the taste of her mouth like a man dying of thirst in the desert.

Naturally, they got interrupted.

"Hey- whoa there!" Seth protested awkwardly as he came into the room. "You'll be home soon enough, give it a rest until then."

Ryan groaned and leaned his head against Marissa. "Seth, have I ever told you how much I hate your timing?"

"Yeah well, you might like it more when I tell you I came in before Mom and Dad," Seth shot back, moving to close the door. "I think you probably prefer me walking in on that."

"I miss these," Ryan sighed into her chest, so low only Marissa could hear it. She burst out laughing and Seth turned around warily.

"What?" he said defensively. Marissa just shrugged innocently and was spared from further questioning by Sandy and Kirsten coming in.

"Hey!" Sandy said in surprise. "Looks like you're about ready to blow this popsicle stand."

"Just about," Ryan smiled back, absently stroking Marissa's hair as she knelt down to put a boot on his good leg. He groaned as he saw the wheelchair coming. "Do I have to?" he complained. "I can use the crutches."

"Hospital procedure," the nurse smiled.

"Ryan?" Kirsten asked curiously as he got seated in the chair. "I forgot about asking you this with everything that's happened, but the kitchen…"

Ryan's eyes flew up to meet Marissa, who suddenly became very interested in her purse strap.

"How did all of those things get broken?"

* * *

"No seriously, man," Seth protested. "How did everything get broken?" It was a few hours later and their usual group of four had gathered in the pool house for a kind of 'reunion' as Summer called it. Kirsten and Sandy had fussed for awhile making sure everything was set up properly, then eventually left them to their own devices.

"Leave it alone, Seth," Ryan groaned. He was sprawled out on the bed with Marissa fitted snugly against him, his arm around her waist. Seth and Summer were sharing his arm chair.

"Cause I mean, all that stuff was on the table…" Seth continued as if he hadn't spoken. "So the logical answer would be…" he looked at both of them suggestively. Ryan just shook his head.

"You are in SO much trouble for not telling me about this, Coop," Summer scolded. "We will discuss this later!"

Marissa rolled her eyes. "You know what, I've decided a good task for you two is to go get some dinner."

"Yes, that's a great task," Ryan spoke up with overly sincere enthusiasm. If it stopped him from getting further harassed about his sex life and gave him the alone time that had got interrupted before with Marissa, he was all for it.

"I see how it is," Seth grumped, giving Summer a gentle shove and climbing up after her. "Come home and suddenly not so grateful to see us anymore."

Ryan laughed. "Seriously, man. Chinese would be great. The only decent food I've had in weeks is what you and Marissa were able to sneak in."

Seth mock saluted him. "Done. And we're order there, just you two have a little more time to get crazy," he taunted.

"Throw something at him," Ryan ordered Marissa, but Seth was too quick for them; he'd pulled Summer out of the pool house.

"Alone at last," Marissa giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Finally," Ryan sighed, pulling her closer and bringing her mouth to his, her tongue to his. They kissed intensely for several long minutes, Ryan's hands greedily roaming over every inch of her he hadn't freely had access to since the accident. "I so missed this," he murmured against her mouth. "I wish we could do more."

"Like I said, we'll figure something out," Marissa teased lightly. "I think we can work around your cast as soon as your ribs aren't too sore."

Ryan sucked in his breath as she tauntingly ran her fingers along his abdomen. "They're not that sore," he whined.

Marissa laughed. "Sure they aren't. I'm not re-injuring you so you can get some."

"Right now, I feel like it would be worth it," Ryan said earnestly. Marissa started giggling again and returned her mouth to his.

"You know…" she breathed against his lips. "It has been a very long time since you had any kind of…release."

"A very long time," Ryan readily agreed.

"I could probably…do a little something," Marissa murmured, her hands going to deftly unfasten his shorts. Ryan raised his brows- and almost passed out when she slid further down his body, once again lifting his shirt and kissing his abdomen, this time flicking her tongue against his belly button. As he realized what she was about to do, a slow grin spread over his face.

"I gotta say, I'm impressed with your creative problem solving skills," he said huskily. It was the last thing he was capable of saying for awhile.

* * *

"Everybody's dressed," Seth said in surprise as he entered the pool house with bags of Chinese food.

Ryan raised his brows. "Seth, please tell me that's not disappointment in your voice that my girlfriend's dressed," he teased. He was sitting on the bed while Marissa wandered out of the bathroom after putting the toothbrush away. Seth glared at him and he laughed, glad to have the upper hand for a change.

"Where's Summer?" Marissa inquired, flopping back down on the bed next to Ryan.

"Talking to my mom for a minute," Seth replied, putting the bags on the bed and climbing on himself. "I think we ordered the whole menu, so dig in."

"This looks great," Ryan said appreciatively as he and Marissa searched through the bags. "Thanks, man. Real food."

"Is greasy Chinese really considered real?" Seth asked skeptically.

"It is to me," Ryan laughed, opening up a package of Marissa's favorite sesame chicken and offering her a bite. She smiled at him and he gently rubbed his thumb across her cheek. Summer wandered in then and they all sprawled out over the bed to eat.

It was the best evening Marissa had had since the accident. She talked and laughed with her friends as they ate, Ryan's hand rhythmically rubbing her back every once in awhile and they'd look at each other with the secret smile they'd shared whenever they'd done anything…private before joining a group of people. For once, she felt like the same old Marissa with the same old boyfriend and the same old friends.

One of these days, she was going to have to learn not to get too comfortable with anything.

45 minutes into the dinner, Marissa realized Ryan's hand had dropped away from her back awhile ago and he'd gotten awfully quiet. Frowning, she turned to look at him. He had the same expression on his face she'd seen all too often in the hospital when an intense headache hit him all of the sudden.

Summer lowered her chopsicks. "Ryan?" she said hesitantly, looking worried.

"He has a headache," Marissa said quietly. "Seth, his pills are on the counter; could you grab them?" Seth silently nodded and quickly moved up off the bed and grabbed the pills, tossing them at her as he came back. She deftly shook a couple out in her hands and pressed them in his palm, reaching across him for his glass of water. "Here you go," she said softly. He took them without looking at her and swallowed them quickly, knocking them back with a glass of water. She went to stroke his hair and tried not to flinch when he brushed her off. They were right back where they started.

"Let's get the food back to the kitchen," She simply suggested to Seth and Summer, who both looked somewhat stricken. "Are you going to be okay? I'll be back in a minute," she gently addressed Ryan. He nodded still without looking at her and internally throwing her hands up, she went back to the main house with her two friends.

"Is he like that a lot?" Seth questioned her in the kitchen, somewhat taken aback by Ryan's behavior. He'd never seen Ryan direct that kind of attitude towards Marissa before. "I could tell he was a little pissed off and kind of standoffish at the hospital, but nothing like that."

Marissa shrugged, pained to hear that he seemed to react better to everyone than to her. "Well, you're not as overbearing as me," she tried to laugh. It came out closer to tears.

"Hey," Seth said soothingly, rubbing her shoulder. "I don't think it's that. You were the one who knew what to do when he got the headache because you've dealt with it before. Maybe you're just taking better care of him and that's why you're the…well, object of his aggression, basically. I bet he would have reacted even worse to me if I'd tried to do that."

Marissa gave him a grateful if tired smile. "Maybe. Well, I'm going to go annoy him some more," she sighed and squeezed the hand Summer reached out for her before she headed back for the pool house.

"Didn't know if you were coming back," Ryan said quietly when she re-entered the pool house, none of his earlier annoyance in his demeanor. Shame had crept into his mind along with the fog of medication.

"I said I would," Marissa said, an unfamiliar tone in her voice as she stood in the doorway. Ryan realized it was wariness and he winced.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled miserably. As soon as the words left his mouth, Marissa was back on the bed, cradling his head in her hands. "I don't know why I'm doing this. You might be the one who's been there for me the most throughout this and I feel like I'm treating you like shit."

"Ryan, I don't want you to worry about me," Marissa protested. "I'll be okay. I just don't want to make anything worse for you. If I'm crowding you or annoying you…"

"You're not, you're not," Ryan sighed, rubbing the hand that had fallen to his chest. "At least not for any logical reason. I know I make this hard to believe, but I miss you when you're not around. I just…I don't know." He shrugged helplessly.

"That's all I need to know," Marissa said simply. "If I'm not making it worse, that's all I need to know."

Ryan gave her a grateful smile. "Wanna stay the night? Not that I'll be very entertaining…"

It was the first time he'd actually asked her to stay since the night he got sick. Even though she knew it was likely more a concession than anything, it warmed her inside nonetheless.

"Nothing I'd like more," she smiled.


	7. Chapter 7

**When You Least Expect It Chapter Seven**

"Shit!" Ryan cursed vividly. He'd been wanting to go back to school and resume a normal life as quickly as possible; now he was starting to regret it. It was his second day back and he was feeling completely overwhelmed, out of place, and generally useless. Right now he was having trouble standing straight on his crutches and even opening his damn locker door.

"Need some help?" He jumped in surprise at the sudden sound of his girlfriend behind him.

"Jesus, you scared me," he sighed, leaning his head against the lockers.

"Sorry," she blushed. "I'll try to make more noise next time. Here, let me get that." Before he could protest, she had deftly scooted in and unlocked his locker. He hid an exasperated sigh; he wanted to figure out how to do these things on his own, but she was just trying to be nice and he'd basically snapped at her for saying hi, so he figured he'd keep his mouth shut this time.

"Thanks," he smiled weakly instead.

"What book do you need?" she asked. Again, he swallowed his irritation; she looked so innocently sweet and helpful. He felt like such an ass for constantly being of the verge of yelling at her.

"Calculus," he answered. "Last class of the day, thankfully."

"Ooooh, that's right!" Marissa remembered. "No history because the teacher's out." She tossed him a playful smile over her shoulder as she searched for his book. "Wanna play hooky?"

Ryan smiled genuinely this time. "Can't resist an offer like that. Unfortunately I don't have too much free time; I'm still a little swamped with school work. I can always swing a couple hours for you, though."

"I could help with school work," Marissa offered immediately. "I feel like I just did your homework and didn't really help explain it to you or anything."

Ryan clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. "I can at least do my own homework, Marissa," he said evenly.

Marissa inwardly flinched. _God, you are such an idiot_, she scolded herself, mentally running through the last minute in her mind. Overeager puppy much? No wonder he was annoyed with her half the time. "Sorry," she said quietly, finally finding his Calculus book and shutting his locker, handing him the book. Even then, it was hard to watch him struggle to put it in his book bag and his book bag on his shoulders without trying to help, but she'd pissed him off enough.

"Thanks," Ryan muttered, not quite able to look her in the eye. He hated this. They hadn't been quite this awkward and unsure of each other since before they got back together, and he felt like it was like 99 his attitude causing it. "Do you want to meet in the quad after this class?" he asked awkwardly, trying to go back to the conversation they'd been having as he maneuvered his way through the halls as she slowly walked by his side.

"Sure," she agreed, as eager as he was to pretend there wasn't any tension between them. "I didn't get to eat much lunch today; maybe we could pick up some cheeseburgers and milkshakes and watch a movie at your place?"

Ryan relaxed; that almost sounded like a normal day for them. "Sounds like a pla-" he was abruptly cut off as a door swung open directly to his right- and slammed right into his injured leg. He sucked in his breath at the sudden blinding pain, almost doubling over as the wind got knocked out of him. He was too dazed to be anything but grateful this time when Marissa's slender arms wrapped around his waist to keep him steady.

"Don't you pay any attention to where you're going?" he heard her snap at who, from his brief glimpse before he hadn't been able to look at anything anymore, had seemed to be some unsuspecting freshman boy. He would have laughed had bolts of pain not still been shooting through his leg. Knowing how most freshman boys looked at his girlfriend, the kid had probably been drooling over her all year. Nothing quite like finally registering on the untouchable Marissa Cooper's radar- when she bit your head off for opening a door.

"Come on," he heard her urge him. At least he figured she must be talking to him; her voice was suddenly gentle and coaxing. He felt her lead him somewhere- he didn't particularly care where, and ease him into some kind of seat. Once the blinding pain had ceased a little, he opened his eyes and realized they were in an empty classroom.

"Thanks," he said tiredly, giving her a weak smile as she knelt down beside him.

"Are you okay?" she asked gently, stroking his hair.

"I'll be fine," he mumbled in a voice that even sounded unconvincing to him.

Marissa bit her lip. He obviously wasn't fine; he needed to go home and take some pain killers and sleep it off. She didn't want to further piss him off, but maybe it was better that he was pissed off at her than hurting himself. "Why don't we just skip this last period?" she suggested hesitantly. "Who really needs Calculus and creative writing, anyway?"

Ryan sighed. "You can just say that I probably won't make it through the rest of the day and I need to go home," he said shortly. "You'd be right, anyway."

Marissa forced herself not to wince at the return of the cool distance. They'd been so freaking close to a normal date together, she remembered sadly. Quietly, she helped him up and they slowly made their way to her car. The ride back to his house was mostly made in silence; she tried to talk a couple times but after only receiving grunts, she unhappily gave up. Still, nothing could have prepared her for what would happen when she was in his driveway.

She made a move to get out of the car to help him get his stuff and himself out, but he stopped her with a single forceful "No." The look of surprise and hurt she gave him hit him like a fist of guilt in the stomach, which only made him all the more aggravated. Irrationally, he just wanted her to get angry at him so he wouldn't feel so guilty about being angry himself.

"Ryan…" she said helplessly. "I'm just trying to…"

"Help, I know," he snapped, staring straight ahead. "But you know what? I'm going to be like this for awhile. This isn't something that's going to come off in a couple of weeks; at best I'll need physical therapy and at worst I'll need surgery. I need to figure this out on my own, and I can't do it with you hovering over me all the time!" By the time he'd finished, his voice had risen to a shout.

It took Marissa a second to identify the feeling inside of her; it hadn't been familiar territory for awhile. She wanted to cry, but she didn't want to humiliate herself by doing it in front of Ryan. "Okay," she said evenly. "I can understand that. Can you understand that I can't read your mind? One minute you're either yelling at me or giving me the cold shoulder and the next you're telling me you miss me when I'm not around. Which is it? So today, you want me to leave you alone?"

"Yeah," he bit off harshly. "Yeah, I do." With that, he swung open the car door and awkwardly climbed out. Marissa didn't dare move a muscle as he struggled to get the crutches and his bag out of the back seat. She jumped as he violently slammed both doors. Her own frustration won out then and she hopped out of the car.

Ryan turned around on the stairs of the house, his aggravation with her and the world in general going through the roof. "I told you-"

"I can get out of my damn car if I want to," she fired back as she stomped up the stairs after him, some part of her groaning at how childish she sounded.

"To do what, Marissa?" he shouted, his voice actually closer to a scream. "Don't you get it? I don't want you here right now!"

The words echoed off the porch and bounced around the front yard as Marissa and Ryan stared at each other in silence for a long moment. His words had stricken the fight right out of Marissa; Ryan could tell. She simply stood there, still as a statue, staring at him with those beautiful blue/green/gray eyes that could conjure up every conceivable emotion within him, sometimes all at once. Somewhere inside him he could feel the sickened reaction to the pain he'd just caused to appear in those eyes, but he had too many layers of his own anger and pain to address it. So instead, he simply went inside and slammed the door.

Well. If he'd wanted her to get the message, telling her he didn't want her around him and slamming the door in her face was an effective way to go about it. Marissa wanted to turn around and get back in her car, but she found her legs were too shaky to take her there; she sank down on his stoop and buried her face in her hands. She didn't know how long she sat there; barely even realized she'd started crying so hard her shoulders were shaking with sobs. The next thing she knew, a gentle hand was touching her shoulder. She jumped in surprise, some ridiculous part of her hoping to see Ryan when she looked up. Instead, Sandy was staring down at her with her kind, gentle, concerned eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly. His simple concern- a father's concern, which was something she hadn't had in quite some time, long before her own father left- made her want to cry all the harder.

"I'm great," she tried to laugh; as always when she tried to do that when she was upset, it came out as more of a sob. Part of her wished she was better at hiding how she was feeling. "Can't you tell?"

"Aw, honey," Sandy said sympathetically, sitting down next to her and wrapping an arm around her shoulder. His kindness was her complete undoing; she cried on his shoulder for several long minutes.

"I'm sorry," she gasped out at length, mortified with herself. "I'm sure you didn't come home to get cried on by some girl sitting on your stairs."

"Hey, when that 'some girl' is Marissa Cooper, I don't mind any day of the week," he teased softly, rubbing her shoulder comfortingly. "Besides, I have a sneaking suspicion this probably has something to do with Ryan."

The words came spilling out of Marissa as if they had a will of their own. "I'm not doing ANYTHING right," she said miserably. "Which really shouldn't be a surprise given my history with Ryan; that's more of a given. It's just…" she lifted her shoulders helplessly. "Everything I do feels wrong. If I help, he just gets more and more angry at me. If I don't help, I'm worried he'll think I don't care or he's not worth it, but I don't know if that's true or if it's just my own need to be around him and be needed by him speaking. I mean, he just slammed three doors in my face; two car doors and the actual house door. If that isn't a sign, I don't know what is."

"What happened?" Sandy asked in concern.

Marissa shrugged listlessly. "Nothing. Everything. I was trying too hard to help him in school and he got frustrated, so I tried to back off a little but someone opened a door on his bad leg- he's okay, he just needs a painkiller- so I said he probably needed to go home and it was all over from there. He told me he was going to be like this for awhile and I was keeping him from figuring out how to do anything on his own by hovering over him all the time, then he told me he didn't want me around and slammed the door in my face." The last part brought fresh pain all up again and more tears spilled down her face. "I don't know what to do. He's mad at me all the time; I feel like I'm just making his life harder somehow. The only time he ever seems to be enjoying himself around me…" she cut herself off and suddenly flushed, remembering who she was talking to.

Sandy bit back a laugh; poor kid. "I was a teenager once too, Marissa," he said wryly. "I get your point; let's leave it at that." He sighed. "I almost feel selfish for telling you this, but keep trying. I don't think you see the way that kid looks at you when he thinks you're not watching; it's like you're his whole world. Trust me when I tell you, it's his aggravation with life in general that's making him lash out, not a real desire to make you want to disappear. And he definitely doesn't only want you around for…that," he finished awkwardly.

Marissa eyed him warily. "You know, the last time you told me to keep trying I came over here and he broke up with me."

Sandy winced. Ooops. "Well, this is different," he defended himself lamely. "And anyway, my advice worked in the long run. I hope."

Marissa smiled in spite of herself. "That's true," she admitted.

Sandy ruffled her hair affectionately. "You really are a good kid. Just…just try to remember that he's never been in a situation like this before. He's never had to depend on people so much. More importantly, he's never been able to depend on people so much. He was in a horrible accident; he's scared and confused and angry at the world, but the last thing he wants is for you to leave. He just expects you to."

Marissa leaned her head against his shoulder. "I think some part of me knows that, but thank you for telling me so I can know it's not all in my head." She sighed. "Should I try now, or give him more time to cool off?"

"If you were anyone else, I'd say give him some cool off time, but considering it's you he just unleashed all that anger on? I'd bet money he's in the pool house hating himself right now," Sandy responded.

Marissa made a move to get up, then all of the sudden paused and turned back. "Sometimes…all the time nowadays, really…I wish my father were more like you."

Sandy opened his mouth- and found he didn't really know what to say to that, said with such childlike innocence mixed in with adult sadness, a combination he'd always found striking in Marissa. Instead, he simply leaned forward to kiss her forehead. Marissa smiled silently at him, then got up to go seek out Ryan.

* * *

"_Don't you get it? I don't want you here right now!"_

The words echoed over and over again in Ryan's head as he sat on his bed staring at the wall. He hadn't even made it to the pool house before shame and regret had seeped in through the anger. He was really gifted at fucking up his own life. He hadn't taken the pain killers; some part of him didn't feel he deserved to take them and drift off when he should sit here and remember how he hurt someone he loved for no good reason. He couldn't get the picture of Marissa's face as he screamed at her out of his head; he felt like he was back where he'd been a year ago, sitting in his room staring at the walls and remembering her stricken face. At least back then there had been SOME reason specific to things she'd done wrong for his aggravation, even if he'd ended up totally out of line. This time, he'd ripped her apart for standing by him after he'd gotten in a severe car accident and trying to help him in the aftermath. That might not be the biggest deal to say to anyone else, but he knew all the problems he and Marissa had had in their relationship combined with all her general family problems made her extremely susceptible to feelings of self doubt about whether or not she was really wanted in her relationships. It was one of the lowest places to hit her, and he knew it.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the pillows. Part of him wanted to pick up the phone and call Marissa right now, beg her for the chance to apologize. The other part didn't want to do that to her. If she kept sticking around, he was just going to keep hurting her. He hadn't kept any promise he'd made to himself yet about how he'd stop taking out all his anger on her. Still another thought was plain cowardly afraid she'd hang up on him. Maybe it was easier for them both if he just…left her alone. The thought brought an agonizing pain to his chest that for once had nothing to do with any physical problem.

"Sandy thought I might find you here." Even though the voice was quiet, the force of hearing it felt like being struck by lightning. He jerked his head up and momentarily thought he'd fallen asleep when he saw Marissa lingering in his doorway, but the stabbing pain persisting in his leg made that theory doubtful. They simply stared at each other for a long moment, neither knowing what to say. Ryan was too stunned she'd showed up at his doorway- seemingly never left in the first place- to formulate too many words at all. At length, Marissa was the first to speak.

"I just wanted to apologize for earlier," she murmured, so softly Ryan could barely hear her as she turned her gaze down to stare fixedly at the floor.

"Marissa…" he croaked out helplessly. Why the hell was she apologizing?

"No, really." She held up her hand. "You went through something horrible. I shouldn't have risen to the bait; it's only natural that you're frustrated."

Ryan just sat there, looking at her helplessly. He had absolutely NO idea what to say to her. "You've…you've put up with a lot from me," he muttered awkwardly. "Everyone has a breaking point."

Marissa lifted her shoulders helplessly. "I'm stumbling blind here, Ryan. I'm clearly not very good at this. I don't MEAN to upset you, or overcrowd you. I'm always so worried I'll fall back onto old habits of being self absorbed and not making it clear how much you mean to me that maybe I take it too far in the other direction. If I'm really making it worse for you, I'll go." Hesitantly, she took a step further in the room. "But Sandy…Sandy thinks it's something else. Sandy thinks you DO want me here, but you're too pissed off at the world for putting you in this situation and too determined that I'll turn around and walk away if you really let me take care of you to let me see that most of the time." She spread out her hands. "I'm not going anywhere, Ryan. If you need me, I'm here no matter what. You're not a burden to me. I just need some indication from you that this is what you want, and not me putting my feelings on you."

Ryan opened his mouth to speak, still couldn't figure out what to say. He and Marissa stared at each other in silence for a lengthy period; the feeling in the room as if there was a great canyon between them instead of just a few feet.

Marissa felt her shoulders slump further and further with each second of silence. What was she supposed to do? She couldn't make him say he wanted her by him during all this. "When you have an answer to that question, I'll be around," she said quietly, and turned to leave.

"Don't go."

Marissa stopped dead in the doorway. Had she really just heard that? "What?" she asked warily, turning back around.

Ryan looked up at her, his eyes more open to her than they had been since he'd first woken up in the hospital, naked with longing and shame and pain. "Don't go," he repeated, the tone of his voice making it more of a husky plea than a command.

It was all Marissa needed. She was across the room so fast it could barely register in either of their minds, crawling into the bed, climbing over him carefully positioned so she wasn't putting her weight anywhere where it would hurt him, taking his mouth in hers.

Ryan drank in the taste and feel of her greedily, running his hands over her back, tangling them in her hair, finally settling to cup her face. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he whispered raggedly. "God, I'm so sorry. I don't want to keep doing this. I don't want to keep pushing you away. I swear I don't."

"It's okay," she assured him, close to tears herself. "Like I said, you went through something terrible. At the end of the day, this is just a really, really scary situation. It's okay if it takes you awhile to get a handle on things."

"It's not okay to keep taking everything out on you," Ryan protested unhappily. "I don't know why I keep testing you. You've already stayed through more than most people would."

"That's not true," Marissa said simply. "You stay for people you love. I love you." She kissed his forehead. "Besides. I would have annoyed me today too. I'm sorry; that was a little over the top."

Ryan smiled faintly. "Your heart was in the right place," he said, rubbing her side. "And I appreciated you traumatizing that freshman kid for life on my behalf."

Marissa blushed. "Was I mean? I don't remember."

Ryan smiled a little, pulling her head down so their foreheads rested together. "I know I keep saying this, and I know I keep confusing you when I act another way entirely the next day, but you sticking by me through this, especially through how I treated you today…I can't tell you how much that means to me."

Marissa just stroked his face gently, smiling at the return of the familiar warmth in his blue eyes. She frowned as she noticed something behind the warmth and gratitude. "Okay, not to fall back into old habits, but did you take a painkiller?"

Ryan flushed a little. "I…forgot?" he attempted.

Marissa rolled her eyes. "Ryan, that's just not necessary," she scolded him lightly, getting off the bed and going to get his meds. "Masochism is not the way to go here." She came back with his painkillers and a bottle of water in hand.

"Thanks," he said somewhat meekly, too embarrassed that he'd been caught in a somewhat ridiculous form of self punishment to particularly even consider frustration at not being able to do that himself. He quickly knocked back the pills and settled back into his bed with a sigh. Marissa re-joined him and he murmured his contentment, draping an arm across her waist. It didn't take him long to drift off; he was exhausted by the drama of the day. Marissa stayed awake to watch him for a long time. She still wasn't sure how good she was at this. She didn't even feel like a very good girlfriend at least seven days out of ten. But for the time being, she seemed to have made him feel better, not just about today but about himself in general. And that was a feeling she could definitely get used to.


	8. Chapter 8

**When You Least Expect It Chapter Eight**

"I am SO tired," Marissa sighed dramatically, playfully stumbling into the pool house and collapsing on the bed next to Ryan one evening.

"Hey," Ryan smiled warmly, abandoning the book he'd been reading and reaching out to run his hand through her hair. "What's up?" It had been a couple weeks since their big blow out and they were finding a somewhat even keel again. He still got frustrated and she still got a little defensive and hurt sometimes, but they were both making an effort and it showed. At the least, things weren't constantly awkward like they had been. "Who were you out? I'll kick their asses in spirit."

Marissa laughed. "The social committee, who else? I'm planning this winter formal, which is really kind of a Valentine's Day dance but not actually on Valentine's Day since no one wants to be in school on Valentine's Day. As usual, I feel like no one is listening to me and I end up doing all these errands myself. I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off ever since school let out." She curled up more snugly into his side. "Can I just hide in here? Like, forever?"

Ryan chuckled. "I'm not at all opposed to that idea," he teased her. He noticed her absently slip her shoes off and rub at her one of her feet. Well, that was something simple he actually could do. "Give those here," he gently commanded. She lifted her head to shoot him a quizzical look. "Feet," he elaborated, patting his lap.

"I should protest...but I have no willpower," Marissa sighed, obediently shifting herself so her feet could fit somewhat comfortably in his lap. She moaned appreciatively as he took her right foot in his hands and began rubbing the sole of it. "Baby, you have no idea how good that feels," she murmured, letting her head fall back. "I'm forever in your debt."

"Thaaaat's the plan," he grinned. "Man, you're tense. Is it that bad?" he asked, dropping the playful tone in concern.

"Am I? I don't know. I'm just annoyed. I don't know how they expect me to plan such elaborate events right on top of the other and still like, sleep and eat and do my schoolwork," she vented. "Anyway, enough about me. How was your night?"

"Boring," Ryan shrugged. "Until you showed up, anyway."

Marissa rolled her eyes even as she flushed with pleasure. "Flatterer," she retorted, but she knew he meant it. He could say something that she'd brush off if any other guy were saying it, but he so obviously meant what he was saying that it ended up being adorable. "Hmmm, tomorrow's Saturday. Want to be totally lazy and just veg out all day?"

Ryan chewed on his lip; no time like the present. "Actually, I was going to ask you about that." She raised her head and lifted her brows inquiringly. "I…I have my doctor's appointment about my leg tomorrow, to see how I'm doing and I was wondering if you could maybe come with me. If you don't have anything else to do," he added hastily, flushing for sounding like such a sixth grader asking out a girl for the first time.

Marissa was a little taken aback at first; he must have known about this for awhile. Then she remembered a couple times over the past week or so that he'd started to say something and changed the subject. He'd been nervous to ask. Her heart ached that he'd be hesitant to ask for something so simple and small. "Of course," she said simply. "Wouldn't miss it."

_Don't you feel like a moron for dragging your feet?_ Ryan silently scolded himself, even as he felt relief sweep through him. "Thanks," he said, leaning over to kiss her before returning his attention to her feet, putting the right foot down in favor of the left one.

Marissa felt like an idiot for blathering on about her stupid problems; he was about to learn whether or not he needed more surgery and she was whining about a school dance. But before she could even question him about it, he was on another topic.

"I guess Valentine's Day is coming up," he commented. "Anything special you want to do? Since this one hopefully won't suck for us."

_He really MUST not want to talk about his doctor's appointment if he's actively engaging in conversation about a chick holiday,_ Marissa mused. "Not really," she said aloud. "Valentine's Day isn't as big a deal to me as it is to some girls, I guess."

"And that is why you are a better girlfriend than you realize," Ryan laughed. "Seriously though, we should do something special."

"Hmmm." Marissa considered. "We could try cooking something special together."

Ryan looked at her skeptically. "Your idea of special is us killing each other by way of food poisoning?"

Marissa laughed. "You have a point. I don't know." She raised her brows suggestively. "I'd rather think of something special we could do tonight."

Ryan grinned. "I really need to learn to leave this kind of thinking up to you," he murmured, abandoning her feet altogether in favor of pulling her onto his lap.

"Hey," she protested laughingly. "What about your ribs?"

"They haven't been sore for awhile now," Ryan cajoled. "And as much as I know it's a bad idea to bring up this topic in any way, shape, or form with a woman, I gotta tell you that you weigh next to nothing."

Marissa raised her brows; he didn't appear to be sore and trying to hide it in an attempt to get some action- not that she'd put it past him. "Well, that certainly opens some doors," she murmured, lowering her head and kissing his neck, flicking her tongue across his Adam's apple.

Ryan sucked in his breath. At that exact moment he didn't care whatever other capabilities returned to him as long as he could still do this. "Let's start opening those doors, then," he suggested huskily. Marissa giggled, then gasped his hands slid up her dress. This night was DEFINITELY looking up.

* * *

Marissa awoke suddenly in the night.

It took her a minute to realize what was going on. Ryan's arms were around her as usual, but she could tell from his body tension that he was awake. "Ryan?" she asked sleepily. "What's going on?" She lifted her face to look at him; even in the dark she could see the discomfort.

"Did I wake you?" he asked apologetically, kissing her forehead. "I'm sorry. It's just so goddamn hot in here," he sighed. He must have seen the confusion on her face; it was the time of year that was particularly cool for Southern California. "My cast," he explained. "There isn't a whole lot of getting around it. It covers up my whole leg, and nothing really hurts on a consistent basis anymore which is good but I don't take painkiller that knock me out, which is bad. It feels like it's August to me."

"Awww," she said sympathetically. "Am I making it worse? I could…"

"Don't even think about it," he playfully warned, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist. "You're not going anywhere; I wouldn't care if it was August."

_I've created a monster, _Marissa silently decided, then the wheels started turning in her head. "Well, maybe there's another idea," she said slowly, then deftly squirmed out of his grasp. For all his surprising playfulness, Ryan never held her so tightly she couldn't get away; he never had.

"Hey!" Ryan protested. "What did I just say?"

"Oh, calm down," she teasingly shushed him. "I'll be right back."

Ryan raised his brows as he could hear her opening and closing his refrigerator. "Do I even want to know what you're doing?" he inquired, wishing it were more easy for him to twist around and see for himself.

"Oh, I think you'll like this idea," she laughed. "Close your eyes."

"What?" Ryan said in confusion. "Why?"

"Do you want your surprise therapy or not?" she shot back playfully.

Why was that even a question? "Done," Ryan said obediently, quickly closing his eyes. He could feel the shift in weight as Marissa climbed back into the bed with him and crinkled his brow in confusion; what was she up to. All of the sudden, he sucked in his breath as something ice cold dribbled on his bare belly. "Ahhh!" he gasped in shock. "Is that ice, or water from ice? How is that…" He just about lost his ability for all coherent thinking as her tongue followed where the water had just dripped. "You really do want to kill me," he said dazedly.

Marissa giggled in that coy in that coy way of hers that never failed to arouse him- not that he currently needed any help in that area. "Of course I don't!" she protested lightly. "This is therapeutic. To get your mind off your cast."

"My mind isn't anywhere near my cast at the moment, I can assure you that," Ryan said emphatically, groaning as she repeated the process across his chest.

"Good! Then it's working," Marissa teased. "Guess I'll just have to keep doing this for awhile…"

"If you must," Ryan breathed, almost choking as she gave his neck the same treatment. There was something so intoxicating about the smell of her hair, he decided randomly, almost deliriously as he placed his hands over her head.

"Are we feeling any better?" she grinned up at him.

Ryan laughed throatily. "Oh, I am feeling SO much better," he assured her. "Come here."

Marissa giggled and scooted up his body a little so their lips met; Ryan relished the cool feel to her wonderfully familiar mouth.

"I should make a plea for therapy more often."

* * *

Marissa sat quietly in the doctor's office next to Ryan; she noticed him fiddling anxiously with the buttons on his over shirt and reached out to take his hand in hers. He jolted for a minute, then gave her a rueful smile. It was just her with him; Kirsten was out of town and Marissa had been momentarily worried Sandy would be offended Ryan seemed to simply want to go with her, but he'd merely smiled and winked at her over Ryan's shoulder. She'd sat outside pretending to read a magazine while he had some tests done; now they were sitting together waiting for the results. She wanted SO badly for this one thing to go well for him. The past couple months had been hell for him; she ached at the thought of him suffering another disappointment.

Ryan struggled to focus on the familiar warmth of Marissa's hand in his to keep from going out of his mind. He was torn between wanting the doctor to hurry up so he could move on with the next chapter of this whatever it may be and wanting to freeze this moment so he could at least live with the fantasy he wasn't going to need surgery. The idea of another hospital stay and having this happen all over again almost made him sick to his stomach. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and tried to think of only Marissa's thumb gently caressing the palm of his hand.

"Mr. Atwood?" Ryan jumped at the sudden sound of an unfamiliar voice; he'd been so caught up in his own thoughts he almost forgot what he was expecting. He turned to see a doctor in his…fifties, it seemed, smiling mildly at him from the doorway.

"That's me," he tensely smiled, reaching out his free hand to shake the doctor's as he rounded Ryan's chair. "I'm Ryan Atwood. This is my girlfriend, Marissa Cooper."

"I'm Doctor Northrop; it's nice to meet you both," he said, taking a seat at his desk. "I'm going to get right to it, since I can tell you're both anxious. I've looked over your records, and I have good news for you- I can't see any reason why you'd need surgery."

The words almost didn't register with Ryan at first; he wasn't used to getting good news at this point. When they did, he almost collapsed in relief in his own chair. "Are you sure?" he asked somewhat dumbly, gripping Marissa's hand tighter and glancing her way to see a smile so wide it almost broke her face.

The doctor laughed. "Yes," he said, smiling. "You've made a wonderful recovery with your leg; better than most, really. Now, that's not to say you can take off your cast and start running laps tomorrow. The first step is to get you a walking cast, which we might be able to do in the next week or so, and you're going to have to use that for awhile, and then you'll probably need a knee brace while you do some physical therapy. But you aren't going to be set back by surgery; your leg is healing nicely all on its own."

Ryan sat in his chair surprised speechless for a long moment while Marissa effusively thanked the doctor over and over. He wasn't going to have surgery. The light at the end of this tunnel was finally starting to appear. "Thank you," he croaked out at length. "Thank you very much."

Dr. Northrop smiled genuinely. "You're welcome; it's nice to give good news, especially to someone who was injured the way you were. I'll call you later in the week to set up an appointment about that walking cast, but for now feel free to go celebrate with your girlfriend."

"Oh, I will," Ryan said, suddenly feeling like laughing hysterically. After both thanking the doctor several more times, Marissa and Ryan made their way out of the office.

"You see! Sometimes things go right!" Marissa said giddily, wrapping her arms around his neck in the hallway as he buried his face in her hair. "We have to celebrate. What do you want to do? You're the man of the hour."

"Hey." Ryan balanced himself on one crutch long enough to take her hand briefly and pause her excited chatter. "I just want to say something. I know I haven't made things easy on you throughout this…"

"Oh, Ryan…" she started.

"No, let me finish," he insisted. "I know I've gotten pissed off and angry and made you feel like you were crowding me or doing a lousy job of taking care of me. I just want you to know…how NOT true that is. From being there when I woke up to taking care of me when I got sick to knowing what to do if I got a headache to making sure I didn't wear out my leg even when I was being a jackass about it…I mean, if it hadn't been for you, I probably would have done something stupid and I would have needed the surgery." He shook his head ruefully. "Anyway, in case I don't say it later for whatever reason, I just wanted to thank you. You've been so amazing."

Marissa's breath caught in her throat. She wanted to laugh, she wanted to cry, she wanted to tell him all she needed were little moments like this to make it all worth it. Instead, she simply leaned forward and kissed him. It wasn't as passionate as some others they tended to share; the sweet simplicity of the gesture was all it took to convey the love and commitment she felt for him.

"I would do anything for you," she said softly when they broke away, looking square into his eyes. "Anything."

Ryan gazed back at her. "The funny thing? I think I actually believe that right in this minute." They stood smiling silently at each other for a long moment, then Marissa broke the ice.

"Come on. It's time to celebrate."


	9. Chapter 9

**When You Least Expect It Chapter Nine**

_A/N: This is probably the fluffiest chapter I've ever written, since the next couple will be angsty. Marissa's present originated from a joke that Josh should write something of Mischa's into the show, just so you know._

Marissa awoke slowly to the feel of something soft and silky lightly running along her face and neckline. It felt so good at first she thought she might still be dreaming.

"Marissa? Wake up."

Slowly, the gentle sound of her boyfriend's voice along with the heavenly smell of coffee also penetrated her awareness. She burrowed into her pillow a little more for a second, then slowly opened her eyes to see Ryan's blue eyes shining into hers. "Mmmm, good morning," she murmured.

"Good morning," he grinned. "Happy Valentine's Day."

Marissa opened her eyes wider and sat up in bed a little, taking in her surroundings in the pool house. She realized he'd had a rose in his hand; that's what he woke her up with. And there was a tray on the bed where the coffee was coming from. "Ryan!" she exclaimed, surprised and touched. He was steadily becoming more and more overtly romantic, but he still surprised her sometimes with little moments like this. "You didn't have to do this."

"Before you get too excited, it's just scrambled eggs, Lucky Charms, and a blueberry bagel," he laughed. "I'm not exactly skilled at making anything else and I can't drive to get anything else just yet." He appreciated having a walking cast, but he was still irritated he couldn't really drive anywhere.

"Oooh, Lucky Charms," she said excitedly, sitting up more fully and reaching for the tray.

Ryan raised his brows. "How old are you again?" he teased.

Marissa shot him a Look. "And you were doing so well."

He laughed again. "Okay, okay," he said, holding up his hands. "So, I have a plan for today, if that's okay."

He'd even remembered how she liked her coffee, Marissa noted, and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. "I feel so lame," she admitted. "I got you a few presents, but that's it." A smile crept over her face. "Still, I want to know what you planned." She eagerly motioned him on.

"If you don't mind being chauffeur, I thought we could drive up the coast to that crab place you like for an early lunch," he began. Marissa hid a smile at him in 'serious planning' mode.

"I don't mind driving anywhere," she responded out loud. "That sounds great."

"Okay…so then it's back to Newport Beach for your present…and then we can get take out from whatever restaurant we want and take it back to your place for dinner."

"Wait a minute, what's my present?" Marissa protested curiously. "And why my place? We never spend any time at my house."

"So impatient," Ryan teased her. "You'll see what your present is closer to when you get it, and then being at your house will make sense."

Marissa narrowed her eyes in interest, but then relented. He seemed so excited about whatever he'd planned; that was almost a better present than anything so if it would keep that smile on his face, she was happy to go with the flow. "That sounds perfect," she agreed. "I can't believe you planned all this. Again, I'm a slacker."

Ryan shrugged. "I wanted to do something nice for you," he said, rubbing her leg. "You've been so great these past couple months, and I feel like it's taking its toll on you. Every time I see you at school, you look totally overwhelmed."

"How is it your fault I procrastinate my school work?" Marissa laughingly protested.

Ryan knew it probably had everything to do with him. She'd been completely focused on him ever since the car accident. She spent most of her spare time with him, she'd been more focused for awhile on doing his homework than hers, and she hadn't slept any more regularly than he had between the early days of him having nightmares and getting sick in the middle of the night, and the later days of him being unable to sleep out of discomfort. He didn't want to bring that up though; he wanted this day to be fun. "Well, whatever the reason. It'll be nice to have a day with nothing to worry about," he said out loud. "Plus, for all the time we've been together we've never had a good Valentine's Day. So really, this is like three in one."

Seriously, she had no idea when he'd gotten so romantic, but she wasn't about to complain. "Hey, when do you want your present?" she questioned suddenly. "One of them is at my house so you'll get that tonight, but the other stuff is here."

"It's here?" Ryan said, confused. "And there are really more than one?" She'd gotten him a set of books about architecture and put together a collection of Segal movies for him for Christmas, along with some music she thought he might like. He wasn't exactly sure what else there WAS to get him.

Marissa had hopped off the bed and was kneeling by his dresser; he stared at her blankly as she dragged a fairly large, flat box out from under it. "You hid something from me in my own room. That's sad. And I mean on my part," he said wryly.

Marissa giggled. "It hasn't been there for very long, if that makes you feel better. Besides, you haven't exactly been crawling around on the floor lately."

"True," Ryan conceded, holding out his hand for the box as she came back to the bed.

"It's not clothing, don't worry," Marissa said hastily and he chuckled. "Just a couple things in one box."

"I'm sure I'll love it," Ryan assured her, tearing open the simple red paper and opening the box. The first thing he pulled out was a book.

"It's a first edition copy of The Grapes of Wrath," Marissa explained, a little nervously. She never knew how he was going to like any of his presents. "I mean, I know you already have the book, but it's like your favorite so I thought you might want to look through that."

"I do," Ryan said slowly, surprised at her perceptiveness. He liked history as much as he liked books, so this was a cool, thoughtful idea. It was something he would have gotten himself. "This is really cool; thank you." He leaned in to give her a quick kiss.

"Might want to open the rest before you thank me," Marissa said lightly, relieved he at least seemed to like the first one.

Ryan went for another smaller box. "Hey!" he exclaimed in surprise. "It's that watch I wanted!"

"I only noticed you eyeing it every single time we go by that store when we're on the pier," Marissa teased, ruffling his hair a little. "I admit I actually bought around Christmas time, but I can never be sure when I'm going to find something I think you'll actually like so I have to space these things out."

"I like this better, anyway," he smiled. Christmas had been not long after he'd gotten out of the hospital and he hadn't been in the best mood, nor was he in the mood to look at any clocks or watches and watch the time go by as he was forced to basically sit around and do nothing. "Now I'm getting a little nervous about your present; these are great."

"I'm sure yours is better," Marissa laughed. "Okay, the last one is a litle…"

Ryan opened a long slim box and burst out laughing. "You didn't," he said, pulling two strips of paper out of the box. "A Journey concert?"

Marissa dissolved into giggles. "I know you love them," she said playfully. "I wasn't sure about that, but it's in L.A in a couple of months, and I think your knee will be okay enough to stand a little bit then and I got seats high enough to where we can probably still see them if we sit a lot of the time, but close enough so we can see them at all. You're always getting dragged to parties and concerts I want to go to; I thought it was time you got something for you."

She'd put so much thought into this, right down to the seating arrangements. They weren't overwhelmingly extravagant gifts, but they were really thoughtful and showed she paid attention to him even when he didn't notice she was doing it. He'd rather have that than anything flashy, anyway. "Marissa, seriously, these are all really great," he said sincerely, leaning in to give her a more full kiss, cupping her face with one of his hands. "I'd love to go to the concert with you. As long as it remains a secret from Seth," he joked.

Marissa laughed. "Secrecy from Seth is part of the contract," she agreed playfully. "I'm glad you like them; I was worried they were stupid."

"Are you kidding? You really went above and beyond to make sure they'd be things I'd like. This is really sweet," Ryan kissed her again. "See, this day is already starting out better than the last two."

Marissa smiled against his lips. "You know…we have awhile until we have to start heading out to lunch. It could…start out even better," she suggested coyly, playing with the hem of his shirt.

"Have I ever told you I love the way your mind thinks?" he grinned, flopping back on the bed and pulling her on top of him.

* * *

Marissa stared blankly out her windshield. "My present is at the animal shelter?"

After a long, slow morning in bed, they'd had a gorgeous drive up the coast and a long romantic lunch together, then Ryan had given her careful instructions about where to drive to next. She had to say, she hadn't been expecting this.

Ryan bit his lip a little nervously; this was either going to be a great present or a disastrous one since it WAS a lot of responsibility. "Yeah, well…I remember how upset you were when your mom gave your dad's dog away back around the time we first started dating. And I've seen you watch those animal shelter rescue things. So I cleared it with your mom and if you want…we can go in and pick one out. Or if you don't-" he started to clarify hastily, but she didn't even give him a chance.

"I get a dog!" she squealed excitedly, more like a child than he thought he'd ever seen her. "Oh my God, I LOVE you! How did you talk my mom into it? She wouldn't even let me get one when she was trying to bribe me out of hating her!"

"Whoa, whoa," Ryan laughed, taken aback, delighted, and amused by her overenthusiastic reaction all at once. "Calm down. I think I guilted Julie into it a little, but I got her there." It hadn't been easy; he was pretty sure he'd somehow ended up agreeing he owed Julie at the end of it despite everything that had gone down between them. But he'd gotten what he wanted, so he didn't care. "She doesn't want one that would be TOO big, and I've already come in here and I saw one that I think you might like. We don't have to get one from the animal shelter," he quickly explained. "If you want one from somewhere else, we can do that. I thought you might like this because of those shows you watch."

"No, I do want one from here," she assured him. "This is where I would have come. I can't BELIEVE you did this!" She unbuckled her seatbelt and climbed halfway into his seat to smother his face with kisses.

"Marissa- hey- mmmm," Ryan moaned, powerless against her lips. Forgetting where they were for a minute, he tangled his fingers in her hair and pulled her closer, opening his mouth to hers. They kissed for several long minutes, until Marissa accidentally bumped into the car horn and reminded them both they were in a car in a very public parking lot.

"Trust me, there's going to be a LOT more of that later," Marissa grinned, kissing him quickly once more before returning to her own seat and hopping out of the car. Ryan had never seen her like this; she was practically bouncing all over him as he got out of the car and dragging him into the shelter.

To his surprise, she went straight for a somewhat shaggy, medium sized mixed breed puppy who wasn't going to be a puppy for very much longer- exactly the dog he'd had in mind for her. "I guess I know you even better than I thought," he said wryly. She looked at him in confusion and he clarified. "That was the one I had in mind."

"Really?" she said, surprised and pleased. "That settles it. This is the one, then."

Within an hour, they were back at Marissa's house- Ryan had hidden his own set of surprises in there, dog supplies and such, but in a room she never went in- with the dog, a boy Marissa had promptly named Macbeth.

"You were right," a voice startled Ryan as he stood in the doorway to the patio, laughing as he watched Marissa and the dog play in the yard. He turned to see Julie standing beside him. "It seems like such a little thing, but I haven't seen her smile like that in a long time."

Ryan lifted his shoulder and turned back to watch Marissa. "Sometimes it just takes a little thing, you know? Everything in her life is so complicated; I thought she could use something simple."

* * *

"Mmmm, you really do like that dog."

The words were murmured between long, involved kisses as Ryan and Marissa lay together on Marissa's bed. Macbeth had eventually worn himself out- it wasn't that surprising; Ryan hadn't even known Marissa could be that active and playful- and curled up asleep in his doggie room, and Ryan and Marissa had shared a meal from their favorite Thai restaurant, but it hadn't taken them long to abandon food for more…baser needs.

Marissa giggled. "I really really really do," she breathed, nibbling slightly on his lower lip in a way she knew made him crazy. "Wanna know how much?"

"Oh, I think I'm getting the picture," Ryan laughed breathlessly.

"Mmmm, don't get too far ahead of yourself," she lightly warned him. "I still haven't given you your last present." Without warning, she suddenly got up off of him.

Ryan blinked, his brain a fog. "Marissa, I can open another present later," he weakly protested.

"Oh, I can open it for you, Right now." Ryan stared at her blankly for a second, then he realized she was slowly unbuttoning her black shirt.

"You didn't," he said in disbelief.

Marissa gave him that smile that had always instantly set his blood on fire, from the first time she'd sent it his way at the first party they'd been at together. "I did." With maddening slowness, she slowly undid her shirt and slid off her jeans to reveal a full-on, barely there black lacy lingerie set, complete with a garter belt.

"Oh my God," was all Ryan was able to get out, fully convinced he was about to pass out.

Marissa crawled back on top of him, making sure she only brushed up against places she knew would make him lose control, and leaned in so their lips were just barely touching.

"Dontcha want to unwrap the rest?"

Still convinced he may well faint even lying down, Ryan was only able to get out one sentence.

"Valentine's Day is the best holiday there's ever been."

Marissa started to laugh, but it turned into a gasp as Ryan grasped the back of her head and took her mouth in an instantly, forcefully passionate kiss. All of the sudden his hands were everywhere, making her lose control faster than she had him. She practically ripped at his clothes to come off, only somewhat careful in pulling his shorts- he'd taken to rarely wearing boxers at this point- off his injured leg. He turned the tables by taking his maddening time sliding off the lingerie inch by inch, kissing each inch that was revealed to him until Marissa couldn't even breathe. "Ryan-" she gasped out, the tone of her voice practically making the word a plea.

"Oh, now you're impatient," he teased huskily. He chuckled at the expression on her face and cut off anything else she was going to say by grasping her by the hips and pulling her down.

One wouldn't have thought it considering Ryan's leg was still in a cast, but putting everything else aside, Marissa could honestly say it was simply the best sex she'd ever had, she mused dreamily much later as she lay limp in Ryan's arms.. He had always been the best sex she'd ever had by a long shot- nothing else was in the same league- but she couldn't ever remember feeling quite like she did right now.

"Have I ever told you…" Ryan murmured sleepily, breaking her from her thoughts. "How much I love these freckles all over your nose?"

"Really?" she giggled and crinkled her nose as he ran a finger down it. "I hated them SO much when I was a kid. My heritage is like totally Irish and English so I didn't have a prayer of not having them, but I felt so awkward. I wanted crystal clear skin."

"I love them. I think they add character." Ryan leaned forward and kissed her nose and she giggled again.

"Well, my opinion of them just shot up then," she smiled, running her hand lazily across his chest.

Ryan cupped the side of her face in his hands, the look in his eyes suddenly taking her breath away. It wasn't the overwhelming desire of earlier, it was just pure, unmasked, complete love. "Best present I ever got," he said softly, rubbing her cheek with his thumb.

Marissa found she had absolutely NOTHING adequate to say to that, even if she hadn't suddenly needed to fight back emotional tears. "I love you," was all she was able to get out.

Ryan smiled a little. "I love you, too." He leaned in and kissed her forehead. "Happy Valentine's Day."


	10. Chapter 10

**When You Least Expect It Chapter Ten**

"Sorry I'm late!" Marissa said breathlessly, running up to Ryan at the doctor's office.

"It's five minutes," he laughed, standing to give her a kiss hello. "I could have driven myself to and from here instead of Seth picking me up and you dropping me off, you know." He was relishing in finally being able to drive again, after a few weeks of physical therapy. It had been really hard at first; the muscles in his leg had deteriorated a lot and he hadn't realized how painful the whole process would be on his knee; he about collapsed the first time he stood on his own. But he'd fought through it and worked hard at it, and he was making some progress. He was at least decent at walking with just the knee brace now, even if he didn't particularly enjoy standing for very long.

"No, it makes more sense for us to go to this party together and I just got out of my stupid meeting in time," she sighed, linking her hand with his as they strolled out of the doctor's office together. "I promised Mary Jo I'd help set this thing up. My outfit's in the car; I don't even have time to change anywhere else so I'll have to do it at her place."

"Outfit?" Ryan asked skeptically, looking down at his classic jeans- he loved the return of the jeans- tank top, and over shirt.

She nudged him playfully. "Baby, in all the time you've been with me I hope you realize party attire is different for girls. You can go in jeans. I can't." She leaned her head against his shoulder. "How was your session? You look a little tired," she noted in concern. "We probably won't stay for long; the poor girl is just totally hopeless at setting up her own event. As soon as it gets underway, we can leave."

"I'm fine," Ryan protested, even though the idea of leaving one of these ridiculous parties early never sounded like a bad idea to him. "I don't want to ruin the party for you."

"Please," she rolled her eyes. "These things lost a lot of their appeal to me a long time ago. I'd rather go home and play with my dog." That sounded like Marissa; she'd taken to her dog even more than Ryan thought she would. "So, I help set up, we find a chair in a dark corner we can make out in for awhile, I make sure everything is running smoothly, and we skip out and go to my house and watch a movie with Macbeth. Sound like a plan?"

"Sounds like a great plan," Ryan smiled, giving her a quick kiss before letting her go so they could get in her car.

She really was good at this, Ryan marveled a half hour lateras he quietly sat back and watch Marissa take charge of the party set up. She knew exactly what to do in any given situation to make any social event perfect for whatever crowd she was planning it for, and when she was setting up she was good at being take charge without being bitchy. Random things sometimes still made her seem a little out of his league. This was one of them. It was hard not to feel like that same old "Chino" when he sat back and watched her at her most polished, elegant, and poised. But sometimes she would turn around, catching him watching her, and give him that smile that she gave so few people, the smile he knew was more real and happy than the one she was giving all the party people. Knowing he could put that smile on her face made him feel better.

To Ryan's surprise, he enjoyed the early part of the party. He, Marissa, Seth, and Summer dominated their own little corner and they weren't bothered except by people who generally liked them. The music was good, the food was good, and he could talk and laugh with his arms wrapped around his girlfriend. All in all, not a bad night.

"Uh oh," Marissa laughed about an hour into the party, squeezing the arm Ryan had wrapped around her. "Mary Jo is looking a little helpless. I better go over there and perform some damage control." She looked up at him. "Maybe another half hour or so? I should be able to smooth things out enough by then."

"Whenever you want," Ryan assured her, giving her a soft kiss before releasing her and watching her slip off into the party.

"Whipped," Seth muttered under his breath, then loudly protested as Summer smacked him.

"Shut up, Cohen! It's cute. Take notes."

Ryan rolled his eyes and laughed in spite of himself, easily getting lost in the banter of his two friends. However, as the minutes went by, he started getting a little antsy. When he checked his watch and realized it was 45 minutes after Marissa had gone into the crowd, he decided to go searching for her. _She still gets more caught up in this than she thinks she does_, he smiled faintly to himself as he searched the party. He spotted her laughing by the big table and headed in that direction- and suddenly froze.

There was a bottle of vodka right next to her on the table. She was holding a glass of clear liquid. He watched her, time seeming to move in slow motion, as she lifted the glass and took a drink.

A thousand thoughts, feelings, and memories slammed into him all at once. **_Mother drinking father drinking Marissa drinking Kirsten drinking drunkdriverfuckedupmylife_**. All of the sudden, every ounce of pain the accident had caused him flared up again, taking his breath away and causing unadulterated rage to seep through his system. Almost without realizing what he was doing, he moved to Marissa's side. "What do you think you're doing?" he demanded, quietly, but harshly.

Marissa jumped in surprise. "Ryan…" she said, seemingly confused, which only pissed him off all the more. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" he mocked sarcastically. "What the hell do you think is wrong? Did you think I was going to be your DD tonight since I can finally drive again after spending MONTHS not being able to because a drunk driver trashed my life? Or were you just going to go out and trash someone's life the way that kid did, get yourself killed in the process?" His voice had risen to a shout; he didn't even notice. Marissa's face was getting paler and paler; her eyes were wide with shock, humiliation, and something else he was too furious to identify. Images were spilling into his head, too fast for him to make any sense of them. A collage of fights with his drunken mother, trying to coax a smashed Marissa to leave a Christmas party, searching through the water for Lindsay, and facing an intervention with an irate Kirsten were all colliding through his head, making it hard for him to think clearly. "Nothing ever changes with you, does it?" he bit out viciously. "After everything we've been through the past few months, you pull THIS crap? Come on, we're getting out of here." He went to grab her arm- and was surprised when she forcefully but coolly pulled it away from him.

"Don't touch me." Her voice was ice cold. There was another factor in there…something at the back of his mind…before he could focus on it, she very deliberately took two steps towards him and looked him straight in the eye.

"This is water." He heard the words, but they didn't register at first. Stunned speechless, he looked into her eyes and could see, SEE that she was sober. _Oh, God._ "If you don't believe me…" she was going on. "Taste it for yourself." A sudden jerk of her hand and he could feel the cold water splash into his face. He barely flinched; his mind still couldn't completely accept he'd just screwed up that badly. All of the sudden, he realized the room was dead silent and everyone was staring at them; he'd just utterly humiliated them both. Before he could even begin to think of words to form, she was gone.

He didn't remember getting out of the party. The next thing he knew, he was sitting in Seth's car, his mind still reeling as Seth sat quietly beside him. "Ryan…" Seth ventured tentatively at length.

"Don't tell me what I just did is okay," Ryan interrupted him, his voice cold and dead. Whereas it had been a kaleidoscope of memories about drunken fights in his head earlier, now he was simply picturing Marissa's face in his mind over and over. There had been indescribable pain in her face along with the humiliation before she shut down; he could see that now. It was tearing slowly but steadily at everything inside of him.

"Well, I wasn't going to say okay, but maybe understandable," Seth tried. "You guys have a history with alcohol. I don't know if you dealt with that…"

"Clearly, we didn't," Ryan muttered.

Seth spread his hands. "And then there was the accident. That'd mess with anyone's head. And…I mean, come ON. The bottle was RIGHT THERE."

Ryan shook his head tiredly, running a hand over his face. "What the hell am I even supposed to say to her? I just basically smashed all the trust between us and screamed at her in front of all her friends for drinking a glass of water."

Seth lifted his shoulders. "Dude, if that happened at all the trust needed work to begin with. And let's face it, she's had her moments at parties." He sighed. "Just apologize and explain, man. She knows how she used to be."

"USED to be," Ryan repeated pointedly. "Anyway, something tells me she isn't just at her house waiting for me this time."

Seth was silent for a long minute; Ryan turned to look at him in confusion. "What?" he asked curiously.

Seth sighed deeply. "Summer's going to kick my ass for this…but Marissa's at her place." He raised his brows. "Should we go?"

The prospect of facing Marissa made Ryan feel sick with shame and fear. Still, she'd chased after him plenty the past few months. It was his turn. No matter what, she at least deserved his apology. "Let's go," he said softly.

* * *

"Coop?" Summer sat beside Marissa on the bed and helplessly stroked her hair. "Baby, how are you feeling?"

Marissa shrugged lifelessly, leaning curled up against Summer's bedpost. "Numb," she mumbled. "I feel like this is some horrible dream I'll wake up from."

Summer bit her lip. "Coop…I have to say this right now, and I hope you don't hate me for it. I think you should take a break from Ryan right now."

Marissa shifted her eyes to Summer. "You're not helping," she said coolly, then went back to staring at the wall.

"Marissa…" Summer sighed. "You've twisted yourself inside out for this boy. You turned yourself into a human pretzel after the accident. And he repays you by pulling this?"

"I also spent the first two years he knew me drinking like a fish for long periods of time," Marissa said flatly. "Besides, the party thing isn't that big a deal at the end of the day. Nothing I haven't done to myself before."

Summer groaned. "First of all, that doesn't give him the right to humiliate you. Second of all, if he wanted to bitch you out about drinking, he's had about a year to do it since that's as long as it's been since I've even seen you drunk. That argument is lame at this point."

"It's not that simple," Marissa mumbled, still too tired to infuse any life into her argument. "Things happened so fast to us as soon as we got back together, we didn't have a chance to focus on things that weren't happening like RIGHT then. I started this. Alcohol is like one of his biggest issues, and I made it worse. I was surprised he even got back together with me in the first place. And then there's the accident…"

Summer reached out and touched her face, startling Marissa into looking back at her. "That's what I mean," she said gently. "Maybe it's not Ryan's fault for feeling the way he feels, but you can't change the problem you had with alcohol. The only thing you could do was stop drinking, and you HAVE. After everything you've done for Ryan over the past few months? He could at least take you aside and ASK you if you've been drinking instead of screaming at you in public."

"He just spent the last few months trying to get his life back together after a drunk driver trashed it," Marissa sighed. "If he sees a bottle of vodka next to someone he cares about, particularly someone who's abused alcohol before, he isn't going to think rationally. It was just a misunderstanding."

"It wouldn't happen if he trusted you," Summer pointed out, bluntly if not unkindly. "I'm not going to fight about if you deserve it," she forcefully continued, holding up her hand to ward off any protests. "You can't do ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING, more than what you've already done these past few months to prove yourself. If he still doesn't trust you…"

Marissa felt tears sting her eyes; part of her brain had been telling her the same thing for the last hour and the other part didn't want to hear it. She leaned into Summer's hug, burying her face in her shoulder. Summer stroked her back soothingly, then suddenly stiffened. "Oh, HELL no," she muttered, pulling away abruptly.

Marissa blinked, startled. "Sum? What's going on?"

Summer hopped off the bed to stare out the window for a second. "I am going to KICK Cohen's ASS from here to the year 2010," she declared, and was out of the room before Marissa could even begin to understand what she was talking about.

Ryan seriously felt like he was going to throw up as he got out of the car. "Seth, maybe this isn't such a good idea. Maybe I should give her some time," he said warily.

"Time to decide she hates you?" Seth shot back. "Best to get these things done quickly."

"That helped, thanks," Ryan said wryly. They headed up the steps but before they could even get to the door it swung up and Summer came storming out.

"Get off my property," she immediately ordered Ryan.

Ryan closed his eyes; he couldn't say he didn't feel like he deserved that. "Summer…"

"No, I'm serious," she snapped, her eyes flashing like fire. "Leave. Right now. And take this jackass who can't keep his mouth shut with you."

Seth rolled his eyes. "Summer, this is ridiculous. They're going to talk sooner or later."

"IF she decides she wants to talk to him, it's going to be on her terms, not his," Summer bit out. "For now, he can just leave her alone for a change. He's done enough the past few months."

Seth's jaw dropped. "Oh come on, Summer. That is NOT fair."

"No, no," Summer insisted, her voice gradually rising to a shout as she continued her speech. "You know what, I haven't said anything about this because he was in an accident and I feel for him. But my best friend has been there for him EVERY step of the way. Do you know she nearly made herself sick because she didn't sleep and barely remembered to eat while he was in the hospital? How about all the times I caught her crying or about to cry because he made her feel like shit? Or how her grades slipped because she was too busy making sure his didn't? How she missed a presentation in creative writing she'd been looking forward to for months that time she drove him home and he slammed the door in her face? And this is how he treats her in return. I'm sorry, that's bullshit."

Seth clenched his jaw, clearly fighting a losingbattle with his temper. "If your best friend hadn't spent the last two years drunk a good 70 of the time, they wouldn't be having this argument," he snapped. "Don't try to paint her as a saint here. The accident wasn't Ryan's fault. Her drinking WAS her fault."

Ryan had listened silently to Summer's tirade, feeling his stomach drop further and further into his shoes with each word out of her mouth. He'd had a feeling Marissa's life hadn't exactly been easy all this time, but he'd had no idea it had gotten to the point where she literally almost made herself sick. He'd felt powerless to move or speak as Summer ranted, but as soon as the words left Seth's mouth Ryan's gaze went past both of them- to see Marissa standing in the doorway. He saw the look of exhausted defeat wash over her face and found his voice at last. "Seth, that's enough," he spoke up forcefully.

"Hey, I'm trying to defen…" Seth followed Ryan's gaze and his voice trailed off, suddenly flushing red. All four of them stood there staring at each other silently for a long moment, lines of division almost visible in the group. At last, Marissa broke the silence.

"Summer, it's fine. Really. I'm okay." She warded off another protest of Summer's by giving her a quick hug. "Thank you for defending me, but it's not necessary." Her eyes met Ryan's. "You don't have to protect me from him."

Ryan wasn't exactly sure what that was supposed to mean, if it was good or bad, but at least she wasn't threatening to call the cops on him.

"Yeah….we're going to go inside now," Seth said awkwardly, herding Summer inside before she could protest too much and leaving Ryan and Marissa alone outside together. They stared at each other for an endless moment, then Marissa broke her gaze and went to sit on the stairwell.

Ryan opened his mouth and found he was helpless as to what to say. "I'm sorry," he said simply at length, his voice somewhat desperate and pleading even to his own ears. "I don't know what else to say."

Marissa's answer shocked him. "Don't be," she said tiredly. "If those feelings were in you, they were going to come out sooner or later. I just…" she lifted her shoulders helplessly. "I don't know what I can do. I don't have any excuses for the problem I had with alcohol. I can't defend my behavior. All I can do is stop drinking, and I have."

In the face of all this defeat, self-loathing, and resignation, Ryan realized he would have found her anger less frightening. "I know that," he said quickly, trying desperately to say anything to make this feeling that she was slipping out of his hands go away.

"No, you don't," Marissa returned simply. "You don't know that, and I don't blame you." She shook her head, a few stray tears sliding down her face. "I did this. First when I drank, and then when I was so eager to have you back I was all too willing to let this topic drop for fear you wouldn't come back to me if I talked about it too much. I didn't trust you any more than you trusted me, not to stay with me."

Slowly, Ryan sat down beside her, feeling anxiety and dread rise by the second. "I should have said something," he whispered, unable to raise his voice any higher. "You're right, I've never known if you were going to start drinking again or not, because I didn't say something or ask."

"I was the one who drank. I should have made it clear," Marissa muttered, looking anywhere but him. "God, does it even matter who should have said what? Neither one of us did. We've been so proud of ourselves for all the progress we've made in this relationship, and look at us. Look at this HUGE issue we ignored. And now…" she shrugged her shoulders miserably.

Ryan swallowed hard, clenching his fists so tightly his nails dug into his skin. "Now what? Now it's too late?" He felt like he was about to be sick.

Marissa sighed. "I don't mean it like that, Ryan. What you did tonight in and of itself…it's not that bad. Yeah, I would appreciate not being screamed at in public again, but I was probably worse two Christmases ago. But there are bigger issues here, and we can't just keep letting them go." She closed her eyes again and ran her fingers through her hair; she felt like she was being ripped apart. "I don't know what you need from me, Ryan. I don't know how to convince you I've really stopped drinking, or even if I can. I mean, would therapy help? AA meetings? Would anything help? No one is going to blame you if you can't trust me given your past, but…"

_But if you can't trust me, this is never going to go anywhere._

She didn't say the words, but they hung heavily between them. Ryan scrubbed his fingers over his face, feeling a little defensive and more than a little overwhelmed. He didn't begin to have an answer to that question, but he felt like if he didn't give one he was going to lose her tonight, and he couldn't even let his mind go there. "I don't know," he said agitatedly. He saw that same look of resignation wash over her face, continued to feel as if the walls were closing in on them. "We can't fix this in one night, Marissa."

"I didn't say we could," Marissa protested. "I just…I just want to know if we can fix this at all." She took a deep, shuddering breath before forcing the next words out of her. Each word physically hurt to say. "Maybe it's not fair of me to expect you to be with someone who's abused alcohol."

"Oh God, don't do that," Ryan muttered, dropping his head and fighting back tears. "Don't break up with me and pretend it's for my own good."

"I'm not breaking up with you and I'm not pretending anything!" she insisted, the words coming out amidst hitching sobs. "Do you think it's easy for me to say something like that?"

"Then don't say it!" Ryan fired back. "Okay, there's this thing between us and we need to work it out, but don't act like leaving me is going to help me because it's not!" Tears stung his eyes and he looked away from her, feeling like a stupid little kid.

"Ryan…" Marissa said helplessly. "I'm not leaving you. I said I won't ever leave you and I meant it. I just…I wanted to let you know I wouldn't hate you if you felt like you had to leave ME."

"Well, I don't. So can we drop that subject?" he mumbled, still looking off in the opposite direction.

Marissa held up her hands appealingly. "Okay. Okay. No break up talk," she agreed, touched and saddened all at once to see how much the very idea was upsetting him. "So…what should we do?"

Ryan shrugged noncommittally; the talk about a break up appeared to have shut him down. Sighing, she tentatively reached out and stroked the back of his neck. He jumped at first, then relaxed somewhat under her touch. "I don't know," he admitted. "Do we have to figure it all out tonight? We know it's there. I promise I'll think about it more, but I don't have any answers now. I'll tell you when I do."

"That's fine," Marissa said quietly, still running her fingers through his hair.

Ryan looked at her warily. "We're not breaking up?" He had to hear it one more time, that if he left things like this tonight there'd still be a "them" to work out in the morning.

Marissa smiled somewhat sadly. "We're not breaking up," she confirmed. "Come on, I'll give you a ride home." She stood up and extended her hand to him; he looked up into her eyes before he took it. Slowly, they walked back to her car hand in hand, each unsure of what the next days to come would bring.


	11. Chapter 11

**When You Least Expect It Chapter Eleven**

_A couple days later_

Sandy breezed into the kitchen early one morning, set to grab a quick breakfast before an early client consultation. He slowed down somewhat as he caught sight of Ryan, who was sitting silently at the counter staring into a mostly uneaten bowl of cereal. At first he almost smiled; Ryan had a tendency to look like SUCH a teenager when he was pouting. But looking closer, there was a sadness in his eyes that seemed to go beyond teenage angst. He frowned in concern. "Hey, kid," he spoke up. "You're up early."

Ryan shrugged. "Couldn't sleep," he said flatly.

Sandy debated whether or not he wanted to take this conversation there, then decided what the hell. "Does this have anything to know with one Marissa Cooper being conspicuously absent from around here the past couple days- and nights?" he asked gently, taking a seat next to Ryan. Ryan looked up in surprise and flushed a little at the mention of nights. "Ryan," he laughed a little. "You had to know I was aware what your curtains being drawn and the pool house being locked meant."

First he'd been miserable and now he was profoundly uncomfortable. Ryan couldn't decide which emotion was less desired. "I…I figured you probably did," Ryan admitted, getting a little more flustered and red in the face. "I guess I took the teenage way out of if you didn't mention it to me, I wasn't in any trouble for it."

"You're not, you're not," Sandy said, holding up a hand. "I wondered if I should do something at first, but…hell. I know you two would probably just find somewhere else if you weren't here; at least I know where you are. And having her around the past few months, particularly after the accident, seems to have improved your demeanor more than anything. Your grades are good, you haven't gotten into any real trouble, and you haven't brooded as much," Sandy teased, coaxing a tiny smile out of Ryan. "I know we talked about this when I first realized you two were…you know, but I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that you're still being very, very careful."

Ryan inwardly groaned; he SO did not want to be having this conversation again, but he figured Sandy had earned the right to ask him that every day after what had happened with Theresa. "We're very careful," Ryan assured him. "Trust me, even the idea of something like that happening again…of screwing up Marissa's life as well as my own…we're completely careful."

Sandy patted his shoulder. "I figured as much. And hell, I know what a hard time you had following the accident. I know you had nightmares and got sick in the middle of the night early on. If Marissa can help you out there, more power to her."

"She did," Ryan said quietly, his emotions returning to unhappiness. He preferred the discomfort after all, he realized. "I think it might have hurt her more than helped her, though."

Sandy frowned. "What do you mean?"

Ryan sighed. "Marissa and I got into a fight and Summer ended up getting pissed off at me about it, and she gave me this whole speech about what her life has been like since the accident. She's been struggling with school and she got so tired at one point she almost got sick. And that's not even taking into account all the times I brought her down just by treating her badly."

Every time Ryan let Sandy in enough to tell him what one of his problems with Marissa was, Sandy was always surprised at how…grown up the issues seemed to be. For better or for worse, they didn't fight about things like Ryan checking out other girls or unintentionally insulting Marissa's weight or any other classic high school issue. They had issues that adults could easily have, that many adults DID have. "You do are never going to fight about things like prom, are you?" he asked wryly. "It's not necessarily a bad thing," he clarified hastily at Ryan's downcast expression. "I mean, I worry about you. Both of you, really. I wish you'd had the kinds of lives that allowed you to just be kids. But you are where you are, both of you. And maybe it's good you have each other to be there."

Ryan nodded slowly, taking in Sandy's words. He hadn't really thought about it like that, but the truth was, Marissa wasn't a kid in a lot of ways, and she'd be like that with or without him. And God knew, he'd never had much of a chance to be a kid. He guessed they worked together in a strange way. He just hoped they'd still have each other at the end of all this.

* * *

"Hey Coop, you want to get some breakfast before…" Summer trailed off as she breezed into Marissa's bedroom and surveyed the sorry sight around her. Her best friend's room was a mess and she was sitting listlessly on her bed curled up with her dog, no make up, her hair in a ponytail, and in a simple white shirt and jeans. "Sweetie, this is just SAD," she said frankly. "It's not like you guys broke up."

"I know we didn't, but it's so awkward," Marissa said unhappily. "It's like we're in some stage of limbo. He doesn't know how he wants to handle all these trust issues regarding the drinking thing yet, and I don't blame him. It's a huge thing we completely glossed over; it's going to take more than a day to fix. I mean, we don't ignore the topic. We kind of dance around it. I just don't think he's totally sorted out in his head what he wants to say yet, and that's okay. But while we're in this place…we can't really just BE like we used to. We see each other at school or talk on the phone or something…we even tried going to dinner last night, but it was just weird." She shrugged miserably. "I miss him."

"Oh, baby," Summer said sympathetically. "I…don't have any advice, but I could give you a hug."

Marissa smiled in spite of herself and gratefully leaned into Summer's hug. "Thanks, Sum," she sighed. "I guess I just have to be patient. And hopefully, you'll put up with my moping in the meantime."

Summer ruffled her hair affectionately. "If I must," she teased. "But seriously, Coop…you have to come to school in something better than that. Not looking hot isn't going to help your problems."

Marissa rolled her eyes even as she could feel her mood lifting at her friend's silly banter. "Wouldn't want that," she said sarcastically, but got up to change nonetheless. Her wardrobe issues led to them only having time to get breakfast at the drive through before they had to get to school.

"It's weird between all four of us now," Summer commented as they strolled through the halls together.

Marissa looked at her in concern. "Not between you and Seth, right? Please tell me you two aren't fighting about Ryan and me."

"Oh, no," Summer waved her hand dismissively. "We fight about a million things a day, that was no big deal. But I haven't talked to Ryan since I almost threatened to call the cops if he didn't get off my property, and I doubt you've talked to Seth."

"I haven't," Marissa admitted, still feeling a faint flush of shame as she remembered Seth's tirade against her. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad or anything, I just don't know what I'd say." She shook her head tiredly. "I'm sorry about this. This issue between Ryan and me has led to strain between all of us, and I started it with my drinking."

"Hey." Summer linked her arm through Marissa's. "You can beat yourself up all you want, but on my watch? You've done it enough." She looked off down the hall and her eyes widened a little. "I don't think we have any shot of this not being awkward."

Marissa frowned at her, her gaze following Summer's…to Ryan and Seth, who were almost on top of them in the hall. _Oh, shit._ "Ryan!" she said with overly enthusiastic cheeriness; she winced at how fake she sounded.

Ryan felt the same jolt in his system he always did when he saw Marissa, the one that somehow never got old. But mixed in with that jolt was the awkwardness that had been there for the past several days, and that was hard to get around. "Hey," he said with an equally false casual tone, trying to smile. The four of them stood there, all staring somewhat blankly at each other for a few long seconds.

"Okay, we're going this way," Seth suddenly spoke up, grabbing Summer by the hand and dragging her down the hall, leaving Ryan and Marissa alone together.

Ryan stood in silence for a few seconds longer, simply looking at her. "You look really nice today," he said quietly at length.

Marissa instinctively touched the hair she'd carefully fixed at Summer's insistence, torn between gratitude that her best friend had talked her into making herself look presentable and sadness that things were so strained between them. Any other day he would have wrapped his arms around her from behind and told her how great she looked. "Thanks," she responded softly, laughing a little in embarrassment. "I think you have Summer to thank for that."

Ryan shrugged. "You always look great." It was one of the million things only Ryan could get away with saying and actually touching her, because it was so obvious he really meant it.

"That's sweet," Marissa murmured, casting her eyes off to the side to prevent him from seeing how upset she was. "Listen…I gotta go to class." She started to walk off in the other direction.

"You want to have lunch together today?" Ryan interrupted her, stepping back in front of her. "I mean, just us?"

Marissa blinked, taken aback and pleased all at once. She wasn't sure if Ryan was indicating his willingness to talk about more serious issues or not; she didn't really care. At least he wanted to do SOMETHING. "Sure," she said instantly, and her heart tugged at the somewhat relieved smile on Ryan's face. "Let's meet in the quad, okay?"

"Okay," he said, feeling a little better about letting her go off now that he had a clear cut idea of when he'd see her again. It wasn't much, but it was something.

* * *

Ryan checked his watch impatiently, feeling annoyed and downcast all at once. He'd been waiting for Marissa for ten minutes. He didn't really think she'd blow him off without so much as a word for no reason, but with every minute that went by he felt more unhappy and ridiculously insecure.

"She's not blowing you off."

Ryan looked up, startled, to see Summer standing in front of him looking somewhat uncomfortable. "What…you mean Marissa?" he asked in confusion. "How did you know?"

"She's going to be about five more minutes; she's with a teacher," Summer explained. "She caught me in the hallway and asked me to come meet you and explain." She couldn't help feeling sorry for the kid; he looked so downtrodden. "If it makes you feel any better, she was toooooootally stressing out that she was going to piss you off or upset you. She really wants to meet up with you."

"Thanks," Ryan smiled faintly. His smile faltered somewhat as he realized this was the first time Summer had talked to him since she exploded at him in front of her house.

Summer was thinking about the same thing. "Look," she sighed, sitting down next to him. "I know I was pretty harsh to you the other night. I'm not going to apologize for everything, because I think some of it needed to be said. But I didn't mean to make you feel bad about the accident; that was a low blow. And as pissed off as I was at you that night and as convinced as I was that you weren't making Marissa happy at the time…she's less happy now because she doesn't feel connected to you, and I don't want that for her. So…" she waved her hands awkwardly. "Do whatever. Fix it, work it out. I just want to see her smile again." She started to get up, paused. "It wouldn't hurt to see one on your face either, because I haven't seen it lately," she said, frankly but not without sympathy.

Ryan gave her a more genuine smile this time. "Thanks, Summer."

"I'm here!" Marissa came racing breathlessly up to them. "I'm SO sorry, Mr. Jurich got me and I couldn't get away. On the bright side, he wanted to talk to me because he has to leave early today, so no last period for me." She patted Summer's arm. "Thanks for covering for me, Sum."

"No problem," Summer replied, touching Marissa's hand briefly before stepping back. "Bye, guys." She smiled at them both and disappeared into the crowed.

Marissa's brow wrinkled and she looked back at Ryan. "I hope that means you two are getting along again," she ventured tentatively.

Ryan shrugged. "Hard to tell with her, isn't it? I was never pissed off."

"I'm really sorry I was late," Marissa apologized again. "I couldn't get out of that."

Ryan waved her apology off. "Don't worry about it; meeting with teachers is more important than being on time for lunch with me, anyway. _Especially considering how much school you've blown off on my account recently, _he silently added. And considering he was about to ask her to do it one more time. "But considering as you now have no last period and our history class is supposed to be a nothing day…do you want to maybe blow off the rest of the day? I thought we could go somewhere and talk…maybe that little park you and Summer set up that picnic at a few weeks ago."

Marissa's heart leapt. She wasn't about to turn down a chance at a serious conversation and moving this all forward one way or another. "I'd love to," she said instantly. "I swear, I really don't have anything else important to do today."

Ryan felt a little ridiculous for the relief he felt at her immediate, obviously heartfelt enthusiasm at the idea. "Okay," he said simply aloud. "Let's go."

They walked quietly to Ryan's car. Marissa started to go for the passenger seat when Ryan's voice sounded behind her.

"Marissa?" he said softly, a little hesitantly. Marissa turned to see all of the loneliness, uncertainty, and pain of the last few days that she'd been feeling written all over his face. She wasn't even sure who started it. The next thing she knew, she was wrapped in Ryan's arms. She buried her face into his strong, familiar chest, breathing in that scent that was uniquely him and feeling more at home than she had in days.

"God, I've missed you," he murmured into her hair. "We can't let ourselves do this again. I mean, I think you were right that we need to seriously work this out, and I needed some time to sort it out in my own mind that I wouldn't have gotten if we'd just gone back to the way things were, but the next time we have a really serious thing, we've got to deal with it soon so this doesn't happen again."

"I know what you mean," she mumbled, her words muffled both by his chest and tears she was struggling to keep at bay. She knew trying not to cry would be a lost cause this afternoon, but she didn't want to be a complete mess right off the bat. "I really do think we need to work this through, but I hate feeling so distant from you." She giggled a little shakily. "We really should probably take this moment somewhere other than the school parking lot."

Ryan chuckled. "Probably," he agreed. He tilted her head up enough to kiss her forehead, then reluctantly released her and opened her car door for her before rounding the car and climbing in himself. They grabbed some food at a nearby deli, then headed to the little, somewhat secluded park. Ryan brought a blanket he always kept in the car for the times he and Marissa impulsively decided to go to the beach along with him and they found a shady spot underneath a large tree to sit. For awhile, they simply ate in silence while Ryan formulated his thoughts and Marissa quietly waited for him to speak up.

"Why did you stop drinking?" Ryan asked suddenly, unsure of how to begin and deciding to just dive right in.

Marissa opened her mouth and closed it again, a little taken aback by how forward he was being all of the sudden. "That's a good question," she admitted at length. "I can't really expect you to believe I've stopped if you don't understand why I did. There isn't one easy answer, to tell you the truth. The last time I was involved in a situation with alcohol that got totally out of hand was that night with Lindsay. I wasn't even that drunk, but you know the score."

Thinking about that night made Ryan feel so bizarre; it was like another life. He felt like he'd been with Marissa for forever now. It was just weird to think about a relationship with another girl. "Marissa…" he started awkwardly.

Marissa held up a hand. "No, really. This isn't about that. I know you're sorry for some of what you said that night. Of course I know now how much our relationship means to you. But what you said about my drinking? You were right, and I knew it. I didn't want to be in a position where that happened to me ever again, and at the time it outweighed the escape alcohol provided."

"I wish I'd been a little nicer in my delivery," Ryan said ruefully.

Marissa shrugged pragmatically. "You can't always be nice," she said matter-of-factly. "Anyway, I'm not going to say I STOPPED drinking then. I didn't. I just stopped making a fool out of myself in public. A lot of the rest of the appeal of alcohol wore off when I was living with Alex. There was, out on my own, able to drink whenever I wanted- and then I realized I didn't particularly WANT to drink that much when I was independent, which made me realize a lot of the reason I'd kept drinking was the reaction I got out of my mom and Caleb, which made me feel like an idiot. I cut WAY down after that. It just seemed so stupid and not worth it. But I guess what really cut me off…I mean, what made me…I haven't had a…" she faltered, unsure how to say this. This was always a horribly painful topic in and of itself.

Ryan frowned, sitting up further. "What?" he asked curiously.

Marissa sighed and looked down at her hands. "I haven't had a drink since that night with Trey," she confessed, her voice barely above a whisper.

Ryan flinched. What the hell was he supposed to say to that? He wouldn't have thought anything that could have stopped her from drinking would be bad. He hadn't been counting on that answer. "It wouldn't have mattered," he muttered haltingly. "I couldn't even fight him off in the end. It wouldn't have mattered if you'd been stone cold sober."

"I know," Marissa said softly. "Although thank you for saying that. I know that, even if I have to make myself FEEL it sometimes. But it's just…not a good memory tied to alcohol. And I mean, I've changed since that night. It's not why I'm not drinking now. I've tried really hard to learn how to stand on my own two feet, to learn how to deal with a crisis without depending on a crutch."

That was true, Ryan knew. He was vaguely surprised he hadn't outright thought about that before, but she was much stronger this year than she'd been a year ago, let alone two. "You've done a good job of that," he noted out loud. "I don't say it often enough, but you have. Hell, you've been the one to hold me together the past few months."

Marissa smiled faintly, pleased that he looked at it like that. "If that's true, I probably owe you a time period like that. Or twenty."

"You don't owe me anything," Ryan said quietly. "But I appreciate it nonetheless."

Marissa stroked his cheek lightly. "There's one really important reason I stopped drinking, and I don't know quite how to explain it." Ryan's brow knitted and he motioned for her to go on. "You," she said simply.

Ryan blinked. "Me?" he repeated dumbly.

Marissa heaved a sigh, trying to not screw her explanation of this up. "I haven't made it as clear as I should because I don't want you to feel responsible for me," she explained. "It's not about that, even though I know why you might feel that way. You don't have to stay with me to keep me from drinking; it's not your behavior that decides whether or not I'm sober. I just…I don't want to hurt you again. I don't want to disappoint you again. It doesn't even matter if we're together or not. I don't want to be responsible for that look on your face again. Having your respect and hopefully eventually your trust, and just NOT hurting you like that again is more important to me than alcohol. I'm sorry it hasn't always been like that, but it is now."

She barely got the words out before Ryan had leaned forward and cupped her face in one hand, pulling her into an intense kiss. It wasn't so much passionate as it was full of gratitude and commitment. She kissed him back, trying to convey all the love and regret and determination to be stronger this time that she perhaps wasn't so good conveying in words.

"Thank you," he whispered when they finally broke off, leaning his forehead against hers. "Just…thank you." He closed his eyes and stayed close to her for a long moment. "Can we…I'm not done, but can we stop it here for right now? What you just said…I just want to keep it like this for a little while." It was the first time he'd been out and out told he was more important than alcohol by someone he loved that had a problem with it. He wanted to stay in that moment for awhile.

"Of course," Marissa said quickly. "This is up to you. Let me know when you want to take it further."

"Do we…can be NOT be so awkward now?" Ryan asked wryly. "The floodgates have opened, you know? We're talking about it. So can we like, spend more time together now without staring at each other and not talking? Or doing anything else? Because even Sandy is wondering where you are."

"Awwww," Marissa laughed. "Is he really? No, that sounds like a good idea, seriously. I don't like that anymore than you do."

"Good. Wanna stay over for dinner?" he asked playfully.

Marissa rolled her eyes. The boy was insatiable. "Dinner sounds great. We'll see how it goes from there." She almost laughed at his pouting, child-like expression. They still had a ways to go, but at least now she was confident they could get there.


End file.
